When's it my turn?

[SDFoundGirl]

I just posted to Jen on her sitch about this, but I'll stick it here too with some more details for anyone who has any thoughts.

There are really a couple of issues at work right now. The first one is that H is climbing so far up my crannies trying to be the good husband that it's driving me crazy. I suspect it's because I've needed to retreat to my cave a bit to really tackle the LW and last summer issue. I haven't had a whole lot of time to myself as MIL and her husband were here all weekend and just left today. I love them, so it was fun, but I've got this on my plate and I just want to dig in and slay this dragon.

Anyway, I've told H I'm working on this, that I just need some time to do this for us. He says okay...but it's clear it's not. I'm guessing there might be a little fear on his part as it seems like I'm pulling away. I've tried to be as clear as possible, but he's making me want to take off for a few days just so I can have some reflection time with no pressure.

That's the first issue, but the second one is, I think, related to the first.

The second issue is I find myself feeling really angry with H about things he does. I've been good--no blow ups, no yelling, no old SD. However, I have been really direct with him. Tonight he'd taped a show for me because I went out for a while. I got home at the tail end of it. I asked him which performer he'd liked best, and he wouldn't tell me b/c he didn't want to ruin the suspense for me. I wanted to rip his head off...I mean, who is he to decide for ME? I told him I wouldn't have asked the question if I didn't want to know the answer, and that it bothered me that he was making decisions about the conditions under which I watched the show. We watch TV very differently...I don't get immersed, don't get bothered if I find out the result before I watch, but H does.

I know he was trying to be nice, but it just made me crazy. He'd already done something else similar to that exact same thing a few minutes earlier.

I guess it's a combination of him not giving me the space I need right now coupled with his incredibly destructive (to him and us) pattern of being the pleaser, the "good guy." He wouldn't watch the wrap up b/c I hadn't seen the whole show...even when I told him to...because it would ruin it for me.

Why am I so freaking angry? *I* feel like an alien....

SD