My ride on the Roller Coaster called WAW Hell

[Steel_Box]

Thanks Chris, Better & Cliffy.
I know that going to C is the best choice, and I guess I know that any change for the better is a good thing. Its just that sometimes the defensive side of me gets to strong. I guess in some way we have all created a bit of a split personality inorder to deal with our sitch. The happy duck that our SO sees vs the hurt, emotional, pissed, elated, us that shows up here.
As far as picking a C, we talked about it and decided to go back to the one we started with, Since he never had an opportunity to really do much yet. He seems like a good one, he seems to be focused on the future, discussed things to be done to re-establish trust (goal setting) and he is definitely pro-marriage.

I spoke to her last night and again tonight and the topic wasn't brought back up. I don't want to seem to eager, but at the same time how distant becomes too much?

AAAGHHH!!!Does everyone else feel like they are dealing with an impudent child. I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a crowd with a child who is on the verge of a meltdown. You know the sitch where you want to be nice so they don't lose it and start throwing a tantrum on the floor, but at the same time you feel that if you let them get their way now then it will just continue to happen.

Screw it why stress it'll be another 2 weeks before I actually get a chance to see her and even longer before a C session anyway. She'll probably, love me, hate me, love OM, not want C, and maybe want C again by then! Just ride the ride right. Its amazing how far you can pivot from one little change. I hate that I am this easily swayed.

Sorry. been up since 4 and need to sleep. I'm usually a little better at staying level.