Good bits, Atlas. I hope we can get to a point of working together, but for now the ball is still pretty much in her court.
Problem is, I have always been the "pusher" in our R, and I'm not sure that she knows how to move things forward. Oh, well: She's going to have to learn or this thing really will be over.
Little more background, since I've got a minute: Early on (pre-DR), I disabled her garage door to prevent her entering the house without my knowledge (wounded human here, I admit it). Going back on it now seems kind of counter-productive, but S is obsessed about "Mommy's broken garage". He's a smart kid, but a kid nonetheless, so I think that is as close as he can come to pointing to the real problem. He keeps asking me to fix it, and I keep telling him that we can do it together if we keep trying. I hope I'm right.
Follow-up from the last thread: W has been listening to some real downer music for a long time (mostly provided by OM and her circle of "friends"). I had kind of given up on music as she was always that person in our relationship. After she left, I found music again, with a passion. I got into soul/rb, what they call "grown folks music" as an unplanned 180, and gave her copies of a couple of the better CDs I had discovered in the genre. Certainly some messaging going on, but really upbeat/hopeful stuff. W seemed to really dig it, and I think this was another one of the turning points away from her total scorched earth strategy. Anywho, I had brought it up some time ago, but finally gave her a copy of a CD on Saturday by an artist who usually fronts for one of her favorite bands. Let me tell you, this was a very risky move.
I did not lie, though: I really dig the CD. The messaging is a little less subtle, and it is certainly not upbeat, but I think (hope) we have entered the phase of really "dealing with the issues that drove us apart in the first place", and this one is dead on target. The hope is, since she still has a hard time listening to me, maybe she will listen to the CD. She still hasn't mentioned it, and I have not brought it up, but I'm pretty sure she has listened to it.
Probably shot myself in the foot, but no risk, no reward. Right?
P.S. Thanks for your thoughts, RJ. Keep looking for those moments.
