Not sure where to begin, but I would really appreciate your thoughts on the matter.
W is defiantly in the throws of a MLC. Everything is new, even the slang. She has dropped one guy for another. The S told me this weekend that he has a new daddy. I’m completely DB’ing with W, but I’m falling apart outside of her presence. I weighed 178 when this started 3 weeks ago and I’m now down to 160. I am working out much more, but I can’t eat, sleep, and fell like crap. That is without the emotions even calculated in. So on that note…
I have two good friends that are attorneys, I have done work for them before and they are great men, both near retirement, very seasoned, and they gave some great advice and I think I might take it. Also to note, I have been conferencing with both of them about my sitch and they agree with the DB’ing and are both big family men, so they don’t want to see this go bad.
The state I live in always for joint filing, I’m sure most do. This works well when the parties agree on everything, which W and I do at this time except for alimony. I’ll get to that. I’m going to fill out the papers but not act yet. Here is why, all she talks about is the D and how she wants it, she has seen an attorney once but backed out. I could work with that, but I can’t work with this new lifestyle. The phone bill came today, and is over $250 and she calls this guy probably 5-10 times a day, not to mention there texts and his return calls. Nobody talks that much without some type of give. I’m not an idiot, but I don’t have any real proof either. I do have proof of the first other guy though, in witnesses, but couldn’t say anything about infidelity.
So I’m going to do 50/50 child custody, legal and physical. I’m going to request shared transportation, she has seen men in another city and I’m not driving to pick up my son an hour each way when I have to. She is going to share in that. I’m already paying child support based of the statute and that is not a problem.
Alimony: I won’t give it to her, and if I have to I’m prepared to lay down a large retainer to fight like hell to not and here is why. First her side, she feels she put me through school, and says I’ll be making a lot more then her and she doesn’t deserve to be left with nothing. Fine that is the statute. Well the facts, right now I make 70% of the income, and she contributes 30%. She works part time, so with a full time job it would be more like 40/60 but I think closer to 45/55. Not to much of a difference. Second, we both went to school at the same time, she did her masters for two years and worked for two years. Well I looked at our old returns and she made X those two years. Unfortunately, like an idiot I never had her take student loans out except for her tuition. I took out all the loans for my tuition and for all of our living expenses. Well after taking the total I owe, minus the tuition, I still took out more loans for living expenses then she did make, three times as much. So I contributed more and I’m paying it back now for who knows how long and with interest. Three, I was coerced to buy this house, I didn’t want to, didn’t feel financially secure enough yet and wanted the market to drop more, this is well known, in fact MIL talked about it with the other day. So now I’m stuck with this large mortgage payment and 3 weeks after we move in she leaves. Fourth, the phone calls to men started prior to her leaving and even though it isn’t grounds for child custody dispute, it is not looked upon highly in my state as leaving for someone else and then asking for alimony. Right now without my money she is in the black, without me paying crap, I’m in the red already. Making it by, by doing odd jobs here and there.
My plan is to right this up, keep DB’ing, if nothing begins to change, or her behaviors continue down the path she has chosen and next time she throws it in my face, I pull them out and tell her what I’ve agreed to. I’ll tell her I love her and that I would do anything for her, but I can’t continue like this when she chooses to live like this. I’ll tell her to have an attorney look them over, with all the facts and numbers included, not going to play games at all. With all the facts she isn’t going to get to far.
Lastly, she is broke even with the little money in the black she has. She can’t afford decent counsel, and if she chooses to come back with guns drawn, I will tell her the consequences of going this route. That everything will be brought out in court, families will see it all. Her family just did this 2 years ago and still isn’t over the court room drama. I’ll tell her that our relationship will most likely as coparents be irreparable and that isn’t far to the child.
If she continues on that path, I already have a deal with someone who I could never afford the retainer, and she is pitbull. Everything will go south from there and it won’t be pretty, but I have nothing to lose. My family knows everything, and hers is in the dark because she is embarrassed. I’ve lost my patience and cool, she is leaving me with no choice. I can’t keep paying for everything while she plays around with other men.
