I finally took the leap of faith to take a vacation with my S4.5 - traveling alone with my S for the first time by airplane. I was nervous before our flight, but strangely not as much as I imagined I would be. My S was wonderful and the flight was smooth. I felt like God was really taking care of me.
Interestingly my STBXH offered to give us a ride to the airport.
The thing is, the last time I was here (NYC) I was with my H. I was the matron of honor in my best friend's wedding and H and I made a little vacation out of it. Today when we went to the Met. Museum I could "see" H and I sitting on those big steps together. It was bittersweet.
Today, instead, I was cleaning up ice-cream from my S's face.
I am staying with my friend and her H and 2 kids and, at times, it is lonely and sad for me to think that I once had my family together too. I see her H helping with the kids or the dishes or whatever and I think, wow, I do all of that myself now.
Yes, I am feeling a little sorry for myself, but overall I'm actually feeling strong. I am proud of myself for taking this trip despite my fears and lack of money. I've put it off for too long.
Some good news. I have had a few nice looks from men here :-) My friend says I look pretty, my new hairstyle/color - I guess - is really nice. I feel good.
Well, I continue to pray for H. When I return from this trip I will make the arrangements to have H served the Legal Sep papers. He knows they're coming. I feel very sad about it, but it feels like the time to do it has really come. He's not protesting in any way.
Thanks for reading if you got this far. I'm always open to feedback, I need to stay connected.
Monica
My sitch: Me 40 H 30 M 8 yrs 1 S5.5 Bomb Oct 2005 Sep Nov 2005 H w/ Ow I filed for LS June 2007 H responded w/ D 2007 I have sole P custody, joint L Just need to take care of Final Judgement papers
