Does my wife have MLC? HELP!!!

[sandi2]

Thanks for your sweet words. They are encouraging. I don't feel that I am up to saying much, being in the mood I am in tonight. You see, at this point in time, I am trying desparately to get back to where I need to be physically (had sugery a little over 3 weeks ago) and trying to get back emotionally (breaking away from EA with OM). My husband has been great at giving me the space I need.

At first, my H was hanging around me all the time, watching me get dressed in the mornings, seeing what I was doing on the computer, etc. It bugged me because he never had been like that and it was smothering me. I resented it highly because I had developed feeling for the OM. So, of course, I did not want my H anywhere around me. After having several talks, he told me that he could back away and give me space as long as he could be assured the OM was out of the picture. So, I agreed. But, it was easier said than done. I cry every night for the OM. My emotions are so screwed up at the moment. I know I have a good husband, but don't have any physical attraction to him. He feels like my brother. I cry because I don't know if I will ever be able to let my H touch me sexually again. I cry because I sent the OM away and I may never experience that kind of sexual excitement again.

I'm sorry, because I know this is not what you want to hear. It's not what anyone wants to hear....not even me. I am just showing you how messed up we can be. But even if there had not been an EA with OM, I think I would have felt this way because it has been building for 11 years. You just can't go that long without intimate relations and think your M will not suffer.

I filled my life with other things to think about and do because I did not have the happy marriage I wanted. I used all the principles of what to do to have a happy marriage. But then I got tired and sick and did not have the energy anymore.

Yes, I believe in setting goals. Right now, I'm not sure of what to set for a goal. I don't have the mindset for it. I guess because I feel so depressed today. I'm just trying to survive a day at a time.

I pray to God your W does not get in this shape. It is hell. I have taken anti-dreppression meds, but they didn't work. My famiiy thinks that taking a lot of meds is part of my problem now, but it isn't...they just want an excuse for what has happen to me. I went to see a couple of C, but they said I knew as much about it as they did. They weren't being sarcastic, they just meant that I had studied so much in that area that I knew most of the things they would say to me. I went one time to see a phy. doctor. I think she would have been good, but couldn't afford her prices. Right now, I don't have the finances to go to see anyone. Got to get medical bills, etc. paid first.

The saddest thing to me about this whole thing is that I know I have a wonderful man for a H. He has the kindest heart and loves me with his entire soul. Nobody would ever love me as much as he does! So, why can't I feel that love for him in return? Why won't God give me the sexual desire for my H that I pray for so badly? It is not just for my sake, but for my H as well. He deserves to be happy. But instead, he has this mess for a W.

I'm sorry, everyone, it is just a bad day for me. Guess I am venting tonight instead of helping anyone.