I know how you must be feeling, but you do have hope. And as for showing 180's, why not show them in counseling?
Agree with him--validate--as much as you are truthfully able to, and maybe a bit more than strict honesty requires. Listen very carefully. Pay him a few understated compliments when it is your turn to talk about your feelings about your marriage.
Don't cry, however tough it gets, and try to conceal your anxiety. In other words, don't come to counseling unprepared, and don't do what comes naturally--which, I guess, would be to feel a deep hurt and betrayal, and to show it. Try to pretend that you aren't the rejected wife, but a good, sturdy, non-judgmental friend who can be told anything.
Try not to be shocked or surprised by anything he has to say. Although I don't think that he will admit to having another attachment--and I don't think that you should ask--I think that there is a chance that this is the case.
You've gotten a lot of good advice from other posters. Maybe someone who's had good counseling experiences will have something to say about DB'ing at the counseling session. I'm just winging it here, never having had a decent session in my life...
But I just KNOW you have a good chance of mending your marriage. Think of how short a time you've had to work on it. You've already managed not to cry on the phone. For someone so early in the process, that is a tremendous achievement. Think about how quickly you've sought help. Many of us were floundering for months, and lost precious time. So you're doing quite well!
