First timer Ugh!

[jmegator]

Well I was wondering why H wanted to talk so badly before the CA. I e-mailed him and told him I would meet with him but I'd like to know if it is just friendly conversation or if he's about to drob a bomb on me. Either way I asked him to call and we'd talk about it. I just couldn't sit around until Friday wondering what something new he needed to say before we go to counseling.

So after our conversation the gist is that he been doing a lot of thinking about why he is feeling this way and our entire relationship and things are becoming clearer for him (towards divorce, not reconciling.) I held it together on the phone and did not cry. We talked about our expectations of counseling and he pretty much just wanted to make sure that I didn't think we were going to counseling to save the marriage. I told him that I know that he doesn't want to work on the marriage but that I still want to go because I think having an unbiased professional listen to us is a good idea. I know this counselor is pro-marriage so that can only help.

I feel shattered today because we have only been seperated one month and he is now so much closer to the divorce decision. I knew he was leaning that way when we seperated but I just think it is so fast to make a decision. I have been praying feverishly, reading books, and putting so much of my focus into saving this and I feel like he is already out the door! Like I'm not even going to get a chance to show any 180s. I have always felt like there is still and hope and unfortunately that seems to be dwindling. I need more time to deal with this. I feel like everything is moving so fast. If there is a shred of hope someone please let me know. Maybe I should read some success stories.