When she comments, "You are being too nice to me -- it's manipulative." Don't answer. If she asks for an explanation, you say, "Hun, this is certauinly a difficult time for both of us, but what's the point in sulking and being miserable, when there's so much in my life to be thankful for and happy about?"
Here are my suggestions:
1. As you got it in the book DR, don't chase. 2. See a lawyer, quickly -- to get information to protect yourself financially and regarding your rights to the children. 3. Do not cooperate with the Divorce. If she files, stall if you can. If you can't stall, use a lawyer and a mediator. This makes the process less adverserial 4. Do not, under any circimstance, move out of the house. It gives you a disadvantage with custody issues. In addition, most WAW's need us to "unseat" ourselves from being the man of the house. They won't leave without the kids. They can't leave with them, unless the divorce is final. So...they must get YOU to leave and conspire with them against your marriage and children. 5. Remember, your wife may, indeed be temporarily insane. She might snap out of it. On the other hand, she may not. Don;t take everythign she says to heart. 6. She's paritally right: your upbeat self is your current attempt to slow down the freefall and turn her around. It's that way for all of us at the beginning. If you are only doing this stuff to save your marrriage, then, she'll smell it a mile away. In the end, many of us realize that the marriage was a wake-up call for us to stop sleepwalking though life. 7. Two things will turn this around for you. First, when you stop being afraid of losing her. Second, when you realize that you don't need her to be happy. This takes time. When you are happy and joyful and don't need her to be or do anything, you will take the pressure off her. Right now, both you and your wife believe that SHE is necessary for YOUR happiness. Once you both cease to believe that, there's a shot for you to turn this around. 8. Now, the key is your get a life plan. (GAL). I'll offer some suggestions. 9. Is seems like you excercize. It's a big help. Keep it up. I might note that things like runnign and biking, however cardiovascularly helpful, still don't engage your mind. I found that during and after a bike ride, I would still ruminate on the situation and get super-mad.. So...my next recommendation. 10. Excercize/hobbies that require extreme laser-like focus. Things like dancing, karate, rick-climbing, kick-boxing, fencing, painting etc. They force you to remain in the present, and stop you from thinking about the past or worrying about the future. I recoomend the martial arts because they also build your self-confidence and sense of personal power. They are zen-like. 11. Take up old hobbies, think of new ones. 12. Gather a group of supportive friends and family around you. You don;t have to tell all of them the gory details, but there must be 2-3 that you can trust. 13. Ask yourself some key questions. What is my call to adventure? What should I do with my life? Is my career stalled? What is my mission in life? If you genuinely get excited about your life (not just put on the DB "happy" face) then you will be very attractive. 14. As you know, most affairs implode. Be patient. 15. If you can renew your spiritual practices, like praying or going to church, do so.
