Sandi2, I want to say how much I really really appreciate your honesty and you sharing your sitch with me. It gives me such a better appreciation for where my W is now and how much I really need to support her. I assumed all along the last 3-4 mos that she's the bad guy, out to hurt me, only caring about herself and an easy decision to just start working on us. But you have shown me that it's not that simple.
She is stuck and must feel absolutely horrible about it. She probably would love to snap out of it and have the inspiration to get back with me but something inside her will not allow that to happen.
So how does an MLCer convince themselves to take action in a positive direction when they really don't feel like it. Wow, what a dilemma. I thought I had it bad thinking how horrible it is that my W, lover, friend has left me. But at least I haven't left myself. I'm still on focus of what I want in life, and not too confused about where I want to go.
I'm reading into your comments that all you can ask for from your H is to be supportive, patient, loving but not to overdo anything, not to put pressure on you. That is probably what my W wants. In fact, she probably wants me to GAL so I'm not sulking about her which probably makes her feel more guilty. I feel so much more empathetic for you and people in that situation.
Does it help to set goals or think about what you ultimately want in life? Does it help to think totally logically about what your goals are and what it takes to achieve them? This sounds so simple-minded on my part and I am such a newbie that I should be the last person offering any advice, but this is what I would love to tell my W but she would take it negatively -- but if one of her goals is to have a friend to be with, to have companionship, to have someone to hold hands with after retirement that knows her better than anyone else, doesn't it make logical sense to start or continue building that relationship with me now?
I have seen a C several times now, and he has helped me immensely in determining what I did "wrong". It is so important for me to understand how she feels, what she interprets as what I did wrong and to totally respond. For example, it is important to her that I listen to her and value her opinions. Therefore I need to show her now and every opportunity I get to listen, say positive things about her opinions, follow them and disregard what I think is right sometimes. I need to show her this respect over and over again, but without being clingy or needy. Is your H responding in this way? Has he tried to meet your needs?
