Sandi,

There are some excellent resources at the top of the forum. The Six Stages of MLC by Heart's Blessing reviews the stages. It is an expanded version of Jim Conway's stages from his book Men in Midlife Crisis. Jim and his wife Sally also wrote books for Women in Midlife Crisi which may be helpful to you, and they wrote sevreal books for the LBS of an MLCer; I recommend all that feel relevant.

Sandi,

As for an MLCer needing to be shocked to wake from the crisis. Some say that a crisis puts them in and thus a crisis must get them out. This is true for some...not all, and perhaps not most. And at early stages, a crisis isn't likely to bring out an MLCer. MLC is not something that can or should be stopped--to yank an MLCer out of the tunnel entrance is to risk a greater crisis--a high likelihood. MLC is in part about issues from youth--and reintegrating the repressed pieces of Self.

No, that doesn't mean you are or are not through your crisis. There are different levels. Most of the LBS's around here probably have full blown crisi spouses. But there are milder forms--we all go through Life Transitions, some may be more severe than others. You may have gone (and are still) going through a Life Transisiotn which maybhave mild crisis levels...or not.

Many men and women feel as you did, and they do not leave their spouses, have an affair and treat the LBS like dirt.
Here is a Bibliography and Jim Conway's web link.

Midlife.com

Midlife
  • Brehony, Kathleen A. Awakening At Midlife. New York: Riverhead Books, 1996.
  • Sharp, Daryl. The Survival Papers: Anatomy of a Midlife Crisis (Studies in Jungian Psychology By Jungian Analysts, No 35). Publisher: Inner City Books, (August 1988).
  • Sharp, Daryl. Jungian Psychology Unplugged: My Life As an Elephant (Studies in Jungian Psychology By Jungian Analysts). Publisher: Inner City Books, (September 1998).
  • Stein, Murray In Midlife. Putnam CT: Spring Publications, 1983.
    Depression
  • Aronson, Emme and Phillip.s Morning Has Broken: A Couple's Journey Through Depression. City: NAL Hardcover, 2006.
  • Golant, Mitch What to do when someone you love is depressed.
  • Hart, Archibald D.. Unmasking Male Depression. Publisher: W Publishing Group, (January 2, 2001).
  • Real, Terrence. I don't want to talk about it : overcoming the secret legacy of male depression.
  • Rosen, Laura Epstein. When someone you love is depressed : how to help your loved one without losing yourself.
  • Sheffield, Anne. How you can survive when they're depressed : living and coping with depression fallout.
  • Strauss, Claudia J. Talking to depression : simple ways to connect when someone in your life is depressed.
  • Wexler, David B. Is he depressed or what? : what to do when the man you love is irritable, moody, and withdrawn.
    Infidelity
  • Harley, Willard F. and Jennifer Harley Chalmers. Surviving an affair. Grand Rapids MI: Revell, 1998.

Darn...several of my favourites are missing--like all of the Conway books!

Now be careful. Reading too much can be a dangerous thing. Though some of my favourites are not on that list, I reduced it still--removing more than half of the list. It can lead to overanalyzing. And that really good one ..by ??? Peter someone...UGH...it's sitting at home.

It is importatn to GAL and find yourself rather than sitting at home analyzing an MLCer.

HUGS,
RCR