First, she apparently was unhappy for a while...reading books, etc. What kind of books? Marriage help, self help, romance? She was mostly a stay at home mom....although she did have a degree and did not use that degree for many years. Her children are almost grown....new place....but most importantly a new job...that would be my first red flag to see. Changes started almost immediately after she got out into the work force...am I right? How did she dress? Has she changed her hair? Wear more make-up? Wear younger looking syles or sexier? Does she appear or act younger than her age? Do men find her attractive?
YES, YOU ARE RIGHT ON THE MONEY. SHE READ BOOKS ABOUT IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS, AND I NEVER REALLY GOT ON BOARD. I WAS STUPID IN HINDSIGHT. I WAS MORE ABOUT, WHAT CAN WE DO TOGETHER TO IMPROVE, NOT REALLY CONCERNED WITH HOW WE FELT ABOUT EACH OTHER. LOTS OF THINGS CHANGED IN HER LIFE ALL AT ONCE -- OLDEST STARTED COLLEGE, NEW LOCATION, START CAREER, AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE I'M SURE SHE WAS GETTING LOTS OF ATTENTION AND CONFIDENCE BUILDING THROUGH ONE GUY IN PARTICULAR THAT SHE WORKS WITH (ALSO MARRIED WITH KIDS). NO EVIDENCE OF PA, BUT PROBABLY EA. SHE DID LOSE SOME WEIGHT WHICH SHE CLAIMED WAS PART OF THE JOB/EMOTIONAL STUFF BUT SHE ALWAYS LOOKED ATTRACTIVE (ALTHOUGH I PROBABLY DIDN'T ACT LIKE SHE WAS). SHE DRESSES PROFESSIONALLY BUT VERY NICE, NICE HAIR, FIGURE, ETC. (P.S. I HATE THIS PART OF THE DISCUSSION)
It is a very hard thing for some of us gals to loose our youth and our looks while men just get better as they age....as apparently you have. She may resent that. If you are admired by the opposite sex because you have stayed in good shape and you have maintained your youthfulness like some men are lucky enough to do...she may really subconciously resent you too!
GOOD POINT. SHE NEVER REALLY EXPRESSED ME BEING IN SHAPE AS A POSITIVE THING.
My very first thoughts to all this is that she is getting somebody's attention at work....or else she WANTS to get somebody's attention and she is feeling guilty about it. Guilt being the key word here. Married women that feel attracted to OM feel very guilty. Plus, she has been home all these years and she may be like a kid in a candy store. To try to ease her guily feelingsm, she is trying to find every fault with her H that she can. This is just IMHO.
TOTALLY AGREE. SHE HAS EXPRESSED THAT SHE HAS HUGE AMOUNTS OF GUILT, BUT NEVER INDICATES ANYTHING ABOUT OM.
However, if you guys are not sleeping together in the same room...I would suggest that you not try to hug, kiss, etc. I think if I were you, I probably would try staying at home to do the chores, be nice and polite, don't be cold, but don't try to pursue her with affection, either. Wait for her signals on that. Don't act like a whip puppy and stand around watching her as she does her morning routine or in the evenings at home. Read, watch tv, play games with the kids, or go places with the kids, etc.
GREAT ADVICE. THIS IS BASICALLY WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING. I DO GIVE HER A HUG ONCE IN A WHILE BUT LUCKILY HAVE GAL AND LOVE HANGING OUT AND DOING THINGS WITH THE KIDS.
If she is in MLC, something needs to shock her to wake her up. If she is getting attached emotionally to OM, she needs to be shaken up before it turns into a PA. I have told several on here about two E-books I found on another web site.
SHE WILL DEFINITELY NOT TAKE ANY ADVICE FROM ME ON BOOKS ETC SO I'LL HAVE TO THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE OR JUST WAIT (UGGHH)
Your wife sounds like she is in the limbo stage...even if she has not had an EA. She just doesn't know what she wants right now. It sounds like she is looking for an excuse and just waiting for you to hang yourself.
ABSOLUTELY. TOTALLY STUCK IN BETWEEN -- ISN'T READY TO WORK ON US BUT NOT SURE SHE WANTS D, SO HER LOGICAL CHOICE IS MOVE OUT AND THEN THINK ABOUT IT SOME MORE. SHE FEELS THAT IF SHE CAME BACK NOW AND THINGS WENT BACK TO THE WAY THEY WERE, THEN SHE'D ALWAYS WONDER IF LEAVING COMPLETELY WOULD HAVE BEEN THE RIGHT DECISION.
Have you noticed her making coments like how everything on tv or in magizines is geared to the young and beautiful?
NO BUT SHE DID MAKE THE COMMENT THAT SHE NO LONGER LIKES GOING TO CHURCH, BECAUSE EVERYONE IS HAPPY THERE. SHE ALWAYS HAD A MUCH STRONGER FAITH THAN ME BUT IT SEEMS TO BE OUT THE WINDOW.
Has she been going out at night....alone? She could just be going to the mall, but is she going...alone? That doesn't mean she is having an affair! But, there is something about going through MLC that just makes you want to get away from H and kids. Maybe she says she just needs to get out and drive around for a while......not a good sign.
USUALLY NOT BUT SHE HAS GONE OUT FOR A DRIVE A FEW TIMES. OM?
You probably have not done that much to hurt the marriage, just have your side of it. However, she will put you down in order to make herself feel better. So, be prepared and expect it. Sad to say, but we feel so crappy about what we are doing to our family that we try to justify ourselves by making our H looks like a heel...or worse, if we can.
I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL SHE IS RIGHT IN SO MANY WAYS. YES, THERE WERE TIMES I WAS IMPATIENT AND CRITICAL. I DIDN'T SHOW HER LOTS OF AFFECTION AND HONOR HER LIKE I SHOULD HAVE. I GUESS I WAS JUST SORT OF AVERAGE, KISS GOODBYE IN THE MORNING, HAVE A NICE DAY, MAY OR MAY NOT TALK DURING THE DAY, CALL ON MY WAY HOME, WHAT'S FOR DINNER OR DO YOU WANT TO GO EXERCISE OR WALK AFTER WORK, OR IF THERE WAS A KIDS SPORTING EVENT MEET THERE OR MEET AT HOME AND GO TOGETHER. I GUESS IT SOUNDS LIKE AVERAGE AMERICANS TO ME BUT IT WASN'T THE BIG LOVING HUG IN THE MORNING, TALK TO EACH OTHER 3X DURING THE DAY, BIG LOVING HUG AND KISS IN THE EVENING, HOW CAN I HELP YOU, LET'S BUILD A PUZZLE TOGETHER TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP. I WISH IT WAS. I HOPE IT IS SOMEDAY. BUT I FEEL LIKE NOW I CAN BE THERE, I AM READY FOR THAT TO HAPPEN AND NO I TRULY UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO WORK ON A RELATIONSHIP. AS SHE SAID TO ME, YOU'RE A DAY LATE AND A DOLLAR SHORT. OUCH.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF THAT INFORMATION! I THINK IT IS SO GREAT THAT WITH EVERYTHING YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH TO COME HERE AND HELP ME/US. I HOPE I CAN BE OF HELP TO SOMEONE SOMEDAY.
