Still stuck in Limbo Land

[MariS]

Journaling,

Well, I'm amazed it has been 2 wks since I've posted. Which is a GOOD thing 4 me. I'm taking back control of my life & focusing on me, child, family & work.

Still working 2 jobs. BUT, WAH-MLCer keeps saying he will let me handle the bills 4 the house, etc & pay me by check once a month. Yeah right, he needs to pony up some cash 2 open an account first.

WAH-MLCer is still in limbo land & is Dr. Jykle/Mr. Hide.

Either way, he still won't kiss me, still blames me 4 everthing & is verbally abusive when he has been drinking. Says I'm a bad kisser & he is'nt emmotionally invested in this relationship. Says I am using child against him to remain in it.

The way I have changed is I no longer "fight back" when he is drunk or I have been drinking, I just look inward & see that he is hurt, lost & lashing out to make himself feel better. When he is not drinking, he is pleasant & helpfull. Even commented a few days ago about my B-Day coming up & a hunting trip in the fall, but was making sure it wouldn't conflict with our anniversary. I just kept quiet on those comments.......

Last night was a nice family dinner out @ last minute. I'm still doing the bulk of everything 4 house, pets & child, but WAH-MLCer actually helped some w/child. For the first time in a long time, I sat on the sofa w/WAH-MLcer, my head in his lap, reading a magazine while he watched t.v. Even rubbed his feet when he asked me to.

This morning, I was awaken nicely at 5am :-) & he did kiss me some during it. AND later helped again w/child.

I took child to school & made it to work. 30 minutes after being at work, I receive a call on the main line. Imagine my shock when I see the OW's name & # on caller ID. It took me two rings to answer & I greeted pleasantly with the comapny's name. She hung up on me.

I then called WAH-MLCer 2 thank him 4 dinner, this morning & helping w/child. Then I mentioned the call from OW. His reply was I could talk to her if I want, I replied that she hung up on me. Either way, I was good, really enjoyed the evening & appreciated his help. Then we hung up.

Since then, WAH-MLCer has called 2 talk about friends who's parent is ill & they are in town. We might be going out to dinner again tonight.

Either way, I am "As If'ing" w/my day & saying multiple prayers.
Plan to stop at book store & purchase "Proper care & feeding of husbands" and maybe a book on kissing (ha..ha..)

Thoughts?

Advice?

Suggestions?

Mary - will catch up on your thread soon. You are never out of my thoughts, & continually in my daily prayers. (Big Hug to you)