In regards to my own martyr complex, I actually feel guilty if my H begins cleaning or lending a hand. Like I've failed. This is just one of those things I've got to get over.
I know just what you're talking about. We think fear of failure is going to motivate us to achieve at our best, but it rarely works out that way... fear of any sort gets paralyzing and exhausting if it drags on for more time than it takes to run away from a leopard, and we need other motivators to keep us running at full capacity.
Working with your spouse can be a lot of fun if you can both let go of fears, resentments, and notions of who's "supposed" to do what.
Originally Posted By: needlove
I'm trying to teach my D to help. She's 4 but does have her own chores to do. My SS (16/18) are another issue. Any stepparent knows there is a fine line you have to walk. I've been told on more than one occassion to not involve myself. But in the next breath it's can you pick up so and so or do this for the boys.
Getting the boys to help out isn't a question of parental authority. It's really a matter of expecting them to be good roommates. They're old enough to do their share of the housework even if they can't earn enough to pay their share of the rent. You should be able to ask them to pick up after themselves even if you don't have the "right" to check up on their homework or dates or whatever - you're not parenting them, you're just asking them for the same consideration you'd ask of any capable person who lived with you.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
