My friends, You have been so support of and helpful. I really appreciate your thoughts, feelings, comments ideas etc. I've read many of your posts and I will chime in as time allows.
I've put my story on all three boards as all three have been tremendously helpful. If some of my posts seem a bit disjointed it would be that I try to post consistently on all three boards. Thanks again, you'all have been awesome.
It is so obvious that our spouses are not in their right frames of mind. If they were, how could they hurt not only their spouses, but also their children? I'm so hurt that I want so bad to talk badly about their father and make them mad at him, but in the long run we have to be the strong one for them. Our spouses have done so much damage that all we can do is to try to return normalcy to their lives. I have made the mistake of saying negative things to my DDs about their father and it backfires on me. Oldest DD gets mad at me. It's not that I'm telling lies on him, just the truth, but she doesn't want to hear it. So I'm trying my best to watch my emotions and let them out when my girls are not around. In the long run the children deserve the right to love both parents. Although if my H keeps up his current behavior he may lose their love. Younger DD is far angrier at him than oldest. So basically what I'm trying to say is that your spouse may say hateful things about you, but the kids will figure out what she is doing. I know my girls love their dad, but I'm the one who they turn to. Be that person to them. They need a strong person in their lives while their other parent chooses to live their own lives.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
You are soooo right. You do not have to say anything bad. Our S actions WILL speak louder than words. Kids are not stupid. Trust me from past experience. I even made up excuses to my D's why their "mommy" could not see them tonight. I made them feel better and when they grew up they found out the truth .
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Aye Yoyo, I've been reading Proverbs again, so relavant.
(All of you not into the Bible, well, maybe give it another chance, kinda amazing the amount of DB stuff in there, who would have known?.
(A couple other good ones: "Hope for the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed" by Gary Chapman
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs
I know, I know, some of you aren't comfortable with the Faith part of this, but maybe still give'em a chance. They are a different angle on our struggles. They've very helpful for me).
Yoyo, When the nitemare started, our oldest said she didn't want to live with her Mom if we split up. She said it again on Sun. This "Poisoning of the Well" came up when I took the kids to lunch Sun. Then again I expected it to happen. Patience, grasshopper. I listened. Reassured my kids things would work out for the best for everyone.
I've secured a place to live, Aug 1. Moved my monies around etc. Back in Apr '06 I had moved the monies as she was spending it, her checks from restaurant were boucing, she was spending our money to float the restaurant and the girl from the restaurant. Then she took a charge account out for the restaurant. Finally got the money out of the restaurant recently to cover that. When I moved my money she was livid. Two weeks and counting. Kids and I can move away from this chaos to a better life. Last nite she left to pick up her sisters drunk boyfriend from the bar. He has no drivers license, 5 kids 4 mothers, etc. You get the picture. About MidNite she said to me, as she was leaving, as I was in the garage reading some posts, 'You probably don't care but I have to go pick up XYZ from the bar". She's right, I don't care. Just one more thing to distance my kids and I from.
Hey all, Tell me... This whole thing is starting to just feel surreal. Just not real. Not like it never happened, but just how friggin' stoopid it all is. YOu guys ever feel like that? Thanks again.
hmmm... Allow me to rephrase that: Wife: "Help me, help me, help me !!! My hand is on fire !!!" Husband "Oh, my !!!. Let me help you pull your hand out of the fire !!!" Wife: "DON'T YOU DARE F**CKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU A**HOLE !!!"
I've found that I don't need to watch soap operas, MY LIFE IS A SOAP OPERA! I'm embarassed to be a part of this. Even though I didn't have the affair, it makes me feel so trashy, that my life has turned into a circus. Isn't it sad that they have the ability to turn our lives around like that? It has to be embarassing to my daughters also. First of all our children have a hard time thinking that their parents are having sex and then for them to go outside of marriage and have an affair. I know they are humiliated.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
So, I confronted her on the "Poisoning of the Well". It went like this:
Me: I'd like to talk with you about the kids. Her: Let me finish up what I'm doing.
A few moments later...
Me: We had agreed that we would split 50/50 the placement, custody etc. of the kids. Her: Yes we did.
Me: The kids have said that you told them that they would spend most of the time with you. They also said that you told them I don't like your family, that I'm mean to you, that I yell at you, etc. The courts call this "Interference". If you, your friends, your family, whomever continue this behavior, I will take this to the courts.
Then the Alien Speak...
Her: You know, I can twist what they say about you, around to, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah... I didn't think you would really get your own place, blah, blah, blah, blah...
