So I spent the weekend in my own little pity party. It was pathetic and on Sunday I realized how pathetic it was. But I also didn't fight it and let it runs it's course. I won't get into the reason why I was on this party but they were a bit selfish in some regards.
Sunday night I went to see Lifehouse and Goo Goo Dolls. Originally my wife was supposed to go with me but after my "attack" on the 4th she backed out. She's been getting more and more distance since June 22nd when I got laid off. To the point it seemed she didn't want anything to do with me. So I went dark on her after the movie Wednesday. By Saturday I was deep into the pity party then that night she sent me a text about D10 eating fish. We traded a couple of texts then nothing. Sunday from the concert I sent her a text saying "sorry u decided not 2 come. You would have loved lifehouse. Ck them out on itunes." She replied immediately, "will do". Then a short time later D9 sends me a text "Mommy is glad u are enjoying, sorry she missed it".
Well yesterday morning I went to pick the girls up from the house because it's my week with them. My wife asked me if we could talk about the separation agreement this week because she needs to know what to expect given the A/C died and the estimate is $6200 to replace. I said yes ready anytime. So we settled on Wednesday evening. D9 asked me about the concert and I told her but really saying it to my wife, it was great and if Aunt Catfan (my sister who went with me) like it, Mommy would have loved it. My wife got a nice smile on her face that she was trying to hid and said I'm glad you enjoyed it. (I suspect she really thought I was going with another woman. Since she told me to find someone else to go with.)
This all lead into a brief R discussion. I asked her had we started with forgiveness like she had said she thought we should do in a conversation about 6 weeks ago. (Odd that one was spurred by the sep agreement too.) She said I guess a little. I told her well I want to let the past be the past and focus on the future and to do that it all starts with forgiveness and I have to forgive myself first. She nodded approvingly and the conversation grew more positive from there.
We chatted last night about my meeting yesterday afternoon with my boss, the guy who laid me off and is trying to help me find another job. She also sent me a text earlier in the day that I missed.
So I'm not sure somethings happening here, it feels very positive but I don't want to get any hopes or expectations up. I really feel like she's getting closer to wanting to work on things. So my strategy is to sit back and let her drive everything right now, while I just show love, respect and kindness.
Man it's going to be a crazy week!
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
