Can you guys give me your status now? How long since separation and any improvement?
This is so normal. We come here looking for statistics and successes. And from there register dates, you may think Smurf and Was2Sad are Longtimers. They aren't. Hopefully the MLC timeline is nearing the end for them...but who can say.
According to Jim Conway, MLC takes 2-7 years. Bomb Drop comes during Stage 3, Replay which is 18-36 months after an initial trigger.
Though there may be no main trigger--I can't find one for Sweetheart--it is often the death of a parent, close friend or other family memeber. Other life changing events can trigger--new job, moving, serious illness, empty nest.
Your recent move may be the trigger...or not.
Quote:
she claims now that she did everything she could think of, short of leaving
Perhaps...but if this is so, she did what she felt would work for her and neglected to find a solution that would also work with you--get you to notice. I'm not saying she is the ba done here, just that she's going to make up a lot of things for a long time. Your history is being completely rewritten...we all got new stories.
Quote:
Will she change if she moves out?
Would you rather she not change and instead stay the same cold person she is being now? Yes she will change. Change can be positive...but with MLC you must go through a long road of BS before you see the positive at the end. MLC is an opportunity, it is a Spiritual Journey and she is in Crisis (if this is MLC) because she is denying the journey. On the path she may become a person you do not like...and many LBS's give up here...the growing isn't complete...it never is in life.
Quote:
missmyfriend: Unfortunately, I have read many times that the LBS gave up eventually to find happiness without their MLCer or the MLCer was too damaged to return.
Most LBS's get to a place where they believe there's is a special case that is lost for over...even thought Jim Conway states the majority come out of the MLC tunnel. Most are not too damaged; it's just that the LBS did not Stand long enough to see the positive side. I'm not saying the LBS is bad or doing something wrong. But almost every new poster reads the resources and the posts. They are warned about the timeline...but they believe that they will be the special case that shows changes and makes a difference now.
Quote:
Is there really a chance we will be together again?
I'm just telling you now. You CAN get your marriage back. I don't know if you will, but I know you can. But I also know that in all likelihood it will take a few years OR MORE. Know that reality if you choose to Stand. And making positive changes in yourself such as helping around the house MIGHT be beneficial. Sure it's jumping through hoops...but it can help...in X years when she comes out.
BUT it will not stop her journey now. You can become her ideal mate and she will likely still run. Then why do it if it doesn't matter...because those changes may be what brings her home when she is out of the tunnel. DB'ing set a foundation for later...it is not meant for results now. You will see results though...and then she will still run...confusing the He11 out of you.
You should GAL Find your happiness and learn that only you create your happiness...and likewise, she creates her won happiness. It is not appropriate to be cold. Be cordial.
Quote:
What and the heck happened to my wife?
PMS...but it's a special case; it lasts a few years. It's an even odder strain in that men are getting it!
Your wife has gone on a really long vacation. So why don't you take your own vacation. You too are on a journey. It can be rewarding if you make it so. Embrace the journey.
