H coming today, what do I do when he asks how I am

[SallyM]

thanks mkultra and 25yearmic. appreciate the input, I really do.

okay, tough morning. actually, good morning at first. I got a bee in my bonnet and rearranged the furniture some more last night, and I really like what I did. we just moved here a year and a half ago and have a couple of awkward areas that I figured out what to do with finally. this morning, still liked it, and the kids were tickled.

then H came over to take the kids to swim. I was upbeat and busy...the house looked like a showplace...and I didn't really care that he didn't comment on either the rearranging or how good the house looked in general. what bugs me is that he just seems, well, fine. totally fine. like he has really moved on and completely written me off. ouch. he seems...happy. ugh. ugh ugh ugh.

one small proud...I did not check his phone or blackberry when he left it on the counter. I know what I'll find, so why do it to myself, right? still, I would have out of habit a couple of weeks ago.

now the hard part. instead of switching the carseats around, he just took my car and I'm taking his car for the morning. the hard part will be not going thru the stuff in there, peeking to see evidence and such. I don't know why I do it, but I can't seem to help myself. I think because he kept telling me it was over with OW and I was always looking for evidence to either back that up or to prove it wrong (always finding the latter, wishing for the former). Today, I will NOT do it. I won't. I won't I won't I won't. And I will try not to dwell on the fact that he obviously has her housekeys on his keyring.

this sucks. it all just sucks. I still can't believe this is my life now. please tell me, there is a chance. I know its a slim one at this point, but omg, I hope there is at least that.

the friend (met her at an unrelated website) who recommended this book/site was literally at the point where her H was signing the papers and had moved in with his mistress, when suddenly he did a 180. now things are so much better for them, this was several years ago. I keep clinging to stories like that, hoping it will be me...or hopefully will be me pre-lawyers. but its so doubtful, hard to hang onto the hope sometimes.

wish me luck.