my crazy mess

[christarn]

No...When I first told him that I wanted to work on our M, I had no idea that he was seeing somebody...he did not devulge that information to me until later conversations....

[Gone Dancin']

You said that you went from texting/talking 2-3 times a week and seeing each other every week to nothing, but hasn't it only been a week? If this is true, you need to try not to worry as much. At the risk of sounding redundant with the advice you've been given, really try to exercise lots of patience and restraint. Pull back, no texts -- esp about the R/M. If you happen to drive by him, just wave and smile and go about your day merrily. No texts. I know it seems counterproductive and is extremely hard on you emotionally, but you must do this. It will serve you much better than the alternative at this time.

((((christarn)))) You can do this! Stay strong -- time is on your side!

GD

[christarn]

GD...Thanks....strength and patience...not my strong suite!! I'm a very fast paced type of person..where as the H is a turtle!! hehe...thanks again

[christarn]

Just a little update...got a text from the H last night...just to say hey, I think, he asked if I was up at 10p...which I was...checkin here!! so we sent a few texts between...nuthin major...I feel more at ease!! thanks guys...patience....

[sandi2]

Hi, I was nearly a WAW and am having a hard time right now. I have decided to stay in the M, but my problem is that I had an EA with OM on-line. Never met in real life, but was ready to meet him for a PA. Called it off and staying with H. My problem is that I don't have sexual desire for my H. Not attracted to him, feel like brother-sister.

So, I guess my question is....what made you turn around? Did you have any of the same problems I am having at this time? Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do to change my emotions toward my H? He is a good amn and loves me with all his heart. I don't want to hurt him anymore than I have already done. He deserves much better than me, but I can't seem to want to have sex with him.

I was trying to find someone on this board that had similar problem as I do, but most are LBS. I see that your circumstances have kind of turn tables. I sure hope things work out for you. If you can offer any advice for me, I would appreciate it.

[Gone Dancin']

Good update, christarn! Michele says that in DBing, patience isn't a virtue. It's a necessity! Way to be patient -- it does pay off!

Sandi,

Have you read waw1978's thread? That's a pretty similar sitch to yours, though no EA or PA involved. Same feelings about her H as you have for yours though (at least in terms of no attraction or desire to have sex).

Take care (both of you),

GD

[mamadrama]

Christarn, I was so happy to get to this page and see that he text you! I have a lot of trouble with the patience and not being the first to initiate contact as well, so when I read it working, I know exactly that feeling of "ahhh, this is what they were talking about!"

Sandi,

How long ago did you break of the EA with the potential OM? It sounds a little like you are still in the fog of the EA and aren't seeing everything with completely clear eyes. Not that, if you are it would absolutely mean you felt differently about your H, just that, PA or not, you still have a detachment/mourning period to go through. It's hard to mourn and feel elatement/'in love' at the same time. *hugs*

[christarn]

Sandi 2...lots of things made me turn around...my story is just crazy....which i guess most of us here feel that way!! For starters, I was a a right fighter(dr phil) always had to have my way...I have learned that is not a good thing...have your read of his stuff...it's just as good as michelle's!, I learned I had a lot of emotional baggage I was carrying around that really I needed to take care so I could better take care of myself and my M...my H, has also made changes..you probably saw some of them in my posts earlier. I also learned, that there are some things in life you just learn to accept and deal with, the small things...that I just thought I couldn't...everyday things,him leaving a coke can that was empty on the table...I used to get so angry over that...well now that I have a lot of time to look at myself and realize I was not perfect...and there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. My H and I used to have the best time, just being us...and I want to get back to that...just being us....and I know we can with some good solid TLC!! I have also been seeing a counselor and talking with a DB coulseor..they have both been great. I have learned with some patience (which has been the hardest thing for me learn) I might be able to turn this around!!

mama drama...thanks for your post...I was also happy to see this: I pulled into a random gas station yesterday to fill up...and break the pocket book...and guess who pulled in behind...is it me or is it fate...or is it just a great day!! We talked for a breaf minute...but God love the IL humidity and heat..so anyway....at least he came over and talked and it was GOOD!! thanks for your post!!!

thanks again to all of you for showing interest and helping me out in my sitch...best of luck to you and you are all in my thoughts and prayers

[christarn]

so I've got a question for you guys...the H asked my best friend, who happens to be his best friend's wife..."why is Christa being so nice?" I'm thinking this is a good sign....and some of the hard work is paying off....but would still like some input. Her answer was awesome..."Christa realizes her mistakes, and wants to make right for her wrongs!" yeah....for my girl pal...she was going to ask him another question, but they got interuptted so conversation was over! But I'm thinking he's seeing some of my positive changes...let me know what ya'll think...((big hugs))

[Trip]

Looks like he is noticing to me. Just stay patient and true with what you are doing.