H coming today, what do I do when he asks how I am

[25yearsmlc]

Morgan,

You are doing well, really. I agree with most of what Jack says, but not about inviting your h...why would it occur to you? Not that you decided NOT to invite him, but just that he is NOT in your day-to-day lives anymore, by his choice, and you are respecting his boundaries. How could he not see your asking him, as pursuing? It IS pursuing and that is not what you need to do right now.

Other than DB books, I found Marianne Williamson helpful for me to deal with the anger and to hand over my pain/anger/obsession/worries to God, or your higher power, the universe, etc....she actually has some emotional and mental "exercises"
that helped me calm down before H would call, and to just get throught the days, and more importantly the nights. I took sleeping pills A LOT back then and still even now sometimes, as I face the moving, the new job and the possible end to the weirdest 2 years of my life and the start of a new chapter of being M with only one child at home, up there, etc. etc. etc. Yeah, now that I see it written, I see why I have trouble sleeping.

You are stronger than you know and getting stronger every day. Your H is already noticing more than you realize. Like with the mil telling him you looked great; she is a smart lady btw. But that is just an example he was willing to tell YOU...he isn't about to pass on to you that he heard the "song" you both loved when you were dating, or at your wedding, (when he sees that photo, btw, he won't just think about what YOUR intentions were...he'll also remember the day, what it meant to him then, the love you had and he'll FEEL something quite uncomfortable for as long as he can handle that discomfort....

You know the answer about the snooping...if you want a D, or need the energy and motivation to do it, read on.....but if you are still hoping this can turn around (hey, I told you, it does happen) why sock yourself in the stomach any more than you already have been?

GAL, do not pursue, accept what he has told you (with your outward behavior, that is) until he tells you or does something different....IOW, if he says "D now", you don't have to DO anything....but just keep going on about your business. But I wouldn't then invite him over for dinner as if you are dating, unless HE changes his tune in a big way...be careful.

I don't say that only b/c I don't you to be hurt again. I say that b/c I want the M to work and rushing a reconciliation can be fatal whereas taking it slow might not have been so damaging....hard to know isn't it?

At the moment, you don't have the "luxury" of wondering whether to take him back as he is with OW for now, and not saying much lately, or do I have that right?

Anyhow, carry on and see if the Williamson books help (One is called "Return to LOve" and another is on Anger and Fear, or words to that effect. I'd be interested in your response. She's a bit "new agey" and Christian, but brings in other religions as they relate, and I took what I needed and left the rest. Good luck,
j-