CVA - Thread 2, Hold mode

[Nomopo]

Hi CVA:

Caught up on your posts from yesterday and today. A few comments:

Oh, BTW, setting dates on the calendar and hoping you see certain things happen in the R by that time....you are setting yourself up for possible disappointment. It is fine to set personal goals for yourself....but don't set calendar dates for R.

This is a good point. Setting deadlines adds a new pressure to the sitch as the deadline looms. So I wouldn't do it (I think sandi's comments may be in response to something I said). But, setting long-term horizons can be good for patience, I think. So for example, I have a goal of my S ending by year end. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't mean I will quit, necessarily. But I will re-evaluate that goal.

I may just move all my stuff out of the house and buy a new one. The only way I can resist coming over is if I make a break from the creature comforts of our house and be able to have our kids with me comfortably.

Why not just add some creature comforts to your apartment? And have the kids come stay one or two at a time, if they want. I know yours are older than mine.

BTW, being outg of town absolutely counts as giving herf space. Sorry if I suggested otherwise. But being out of town doesn't mean you should be able to crowd her when you are in town.

What comes around, goes around I guess. I have been a jerk / ass and its coming around.

Your W shares in the responsibility for the state of your M/R. Of course, she doesn't see that (yet?) and you can't make her see it, nor should you want to. You can do all you need on your own. I just don't want you to take all the blame in your own mind. It takes two to screw up a good R.

I just wonder whether I will ever actually "live" the life I want now.

Well that is completely up to you. You definitey can. Regardless of what happens to your W or your M, you can have a great life from here out.

Failure comes to mind as I write this. I failed, no question about it.

You made mistakes. We all did, and your W too. But you haven't failed. You're fighting the good fight, and you should feel good and be proud for that.

On the kids scheduling, I don't think you should force it. I said that because I suspect your WAW wants more space than she asked for. Maybe you could tell her that you think she has basically asked you for some space by asking you to move out, and you are thinking maybe you should try to schedule some alone time with the kids to give her some space. You can say you understand her request for time to figure things out. See how she responds. Do others agree with this?

Good journaling CVA. Yes, tough stuff with your S9. BTW, you can use that as motivation for what you need to do for (you and) your kids. He picked depression, caused he's worried about you. (BTW, sharp and sensitive/sweet kid. That's awesome! I'm sure you're proud.) But you need to pick yourself up and force yourself out of the blues. Your kids shouldn't have to be worried about you. You are a strong man. You will survive and prosper, no matter what. You KNOW this deep inside friend. Get to that point.

G'night mate,
Nomo