forever21's journey still continues.....

[forever21]

Hey! Thanks Trip, but nothing to be sorry about. I'm feeling great. Just quite happy. It feels good to be me, and it's really nice to be feeling this good today. I spent many days, including anniversaries, just not feeling this happy even though I was trying to... so I feel lucky to have H out of the house and away from me. He's not here to bring me down. Other people really can bring us down when they are depressed and we are around them too much. I am not feeling sad for him though or thinking he's just so down and out. I'm sure he is off getting his fix. I'm thinking maybe we were just not right for each other but tried to make it work. I feel like I'm reaching that place of acceptance more and more each day... thinking/feeling a bit more like the WAS again in order to really let go. I like feeling over him. I don't need to take it personally that he doesn't choose me. I'm a catch... probably just too much for him. OK, that felt good. LOL.

Anyway... yes, Trip... your H and mine are aLOT alike. Glad he's mad at himself. Do you think he is really upset with himself, and wants to change? My H acts like he's mad at himself, but I don't know how much of that is real or that those feelings last long if they are real. I think he just feels uncomfortable, and doesn't want to feel truly guilty or upset with his choices. So, back to digging that hole again... in more ways than one. So juvenile and such a destructive cycle. I say Grow Up! And I'm taking my own advice... growing up, and moving on up.

Ah, he texted me again. To tell me that it might be late tonight or early in the AM when he is able to deposit that money. We'll see if he really does. And he says happy anniversary. In a weird way I think..... "....It is the 16th. So i still remember. I say happy anniversary and i know it sounds bad but i dont mean it bad. Ok. Talk 2 u later. Love ya" I don't know if I'm gonna respond.