CeMar, I'm going to tell you honestly, again, that a person who has suffered any kind of sexual abuse, and has any kind of devout religious beliefs... is up against a challenge. You feel, inside, as though you are damned to hell for all eternity. You feel gross, dirty... sinful... kind of like we all feel when we hear about religious leaders engaging in some sort of sordid sex act(s). Except... instead of it being someone else... it's you. Try to imagine that.
But I also think you have a LOT of the nice guy tendencies. I'm not going to lie to you... you have a long row to hoe. I know you do not want to abandon your wife... so perhaps, as a start, you can examine the "Nice Guy" tendencies... start there... get some communication and trust going between you and the W... and then maybe... at that point... you two can take the next step.
I have to tell you, CeMar, you HAVE to go one step at a time. All your "yeah buts..." will get you is derailed. Trust me. BTDT. You cannot decide your next step until you take the first. You cannot decide your third step until you take the second. And I mean this honestly. I've done all KINDS of projections in my life. My assumption usually are wrong... or at least half-wrong... simply because I don't have the knowledge I need (until I take the next step)... to come to another conclusion that I couldn't even fathom.
So. Be patient with yourself. Make a start somewhere.
