Reconciling with ex-husband

[neli]

Your M has no chance in getting back on track as long as you have a bf. You have read that a number of times.

So that for sure would have to be a first step.
I would not get back to the marriage right away and move things forward full speed. Start with dating. I would not EVER agree to the terms your xH is suggesting. Him having access to everything. He will just have to suck it up and trust you. But maybe someone can help the two of you on figuring out what each of you would do if this was a trusted R. That is why dating to start with would be helpful. Once you have established at least some common area that you want to be together you can call a DB coach to get you to that next level.

Retrouvaille is a good place to go. But you are not at that stage yet. It may be too soon for you to get there. They teach you how to dialogue. You can find a lot of information on how to dialogue before you even go there. It is about using I statements quite a bit.

I think you are not being fair to you at this point. This bf is obviously not the man for you. And do you truly want to be with him for the rest of your life, out of pitty. I would say he doesn't want that either. So whether you decide to work on your R with your H or not, your are with the current bf should end anyways. Then maybe even try to work on you while you are giving your xH some space. You need time to decide what you want. Not just what the men in your life want.

Good luck.

Neli