Does my wife have MLC? HELP!!!

[Smurf_SMR]

The in-house separation was forced in a way, as the housing market was flat, but of course, a walkaway will just up and leave (Where there is a will, there is a way).

With the depression of MLC, she hung around, for what I do not know, she ran out of friends to go live with, they became public enemy number one.

I cannot believe she said nothing to you about reasons behind it

My speach included you were a good husband and father, I just feel numb, and I just want to do things before I am fifty. Why she could not do "things" in the confines of a marriage is anyones guess.

We did stuff together, etc etc... Did you feel used?

When it first happened and our situation became common knowledge, the number of people that came to me and said they envied our marriage. We went out dancing and drinking every week. Our marriage was seen to be so stable, even my parents wanted us to be executors of their will, as we were seen to be the most stable of all my parents off spring.

All the cards that she gave me that said I love you, you are the man of my dreams, etc, was this all a lie?

No it was not a lie, the stupid thing is, it is lie that she is living now, one day the enormity of this will hit home. What sane mother, is happy to loose her daughter for the pursuit of happiness.

But what happened to marriage vows?

Oh! the "Till death do us part, or until one gets fed up" one.

I also like the quote that it takes 2 people agree to marry, 2 people to bring children into the world, but only 1 to seperate/divorce.

You said she warmed up, but that did not change the direction she took I guess

No, one thing I learnt long ago was that she had to leave first, before she would come back. I cannot say for all, but from what I have read, usually when they have a plan they see it through to the end.

How did your kids handle it?

I think the 2 years of the in-house separation helped. They grew used to the idea, just as I did, they detached from the drama just as you or I must. In fact I learnt a lot from them. They told me to GAL, they told me to move on, they even told me not to have her back. They saw what she was doing. Once my son came to me with the observation that his mother was trying to be younger than she was, I could explain what she was going through.
We even had a laugh together at the "MLC for dummies". Of course they are hurting though.

Are you ok now, looking for new relationships, or are you just as hurt and confused as when it started

Yes, I am OK.
Looking - No! One thing I have learnt, getting a bandaid for our pain does not work. It is just like the MLCer.
Hurt - I hurt for the kids, not myself. Things like holidays, birthdays and christmas are no longer the same.
Confused - No! this is where reading as much as you can helps.

The nightmare will end, the length of the nightmare is down to you. I am not talking about the length of MLC. The pain and anguish lasts as long as you let it.

Detach!
Detach!
Detach!

Easier said than done, I know.

It has been said that we need about a month for every year of marriage, and I would say that is about right.