Oh, and my son told me last night that it might have been better if he'd stayed with his Dad because then I would only have to take care of myself.
That's funny.
If I'd have lost him, too, I wouldn't have even bothered to rent that piece of crap apartment...I'd have just walked off.
Might have done you some good to get away for a while.
A little perspective. You're supposed to "lose him" in a few years anyway. He's not really "yours" - you're taking care of him until he's ready to take over the job.
Now the one thing about kids that you need to remember is they don't want to be kids. They absolutely hate it. And if they must be kids, as they must in this culture because they tend not to be taught to be anything else for several more years, then at least they don't want to be useless, helpless babies.
They want to know that they can do at least some things to take care of themselves, and to help out in return the people that are helping them out. Even when they grumble about it, the pride that they derive from being useful just can't be replaced by anything, not even motherly nurturing. He wants to be able to lighten the load for you, and he especially doesn't want to see you suffer and run yourself ragged because you need to take care of his useless, helpless self.
It's not because he hates you. It's because, as far as he can tell, you're willing to practically kill yourself to carry the entire load for him because you think he's too dumb, weak, or helpless to carry any part of it himself.
And don't let him think that taking care of him is your only reason for hanging on. Remember, he's supposed to grow up and stand on his own, and if doing that makes you feel useless, what's he going to do then?
Originally Posted By: AmyC
In order to keep an eye on my kids, who are now both on there. D11 is a little sh*t. Informed me yesterday she really doesn't want me to be involved in her life anymore. Really? This was AFTER I took her to the beach. She didn't seem to mind THAT!
Hell, up until December, I WAS HER SOLE FREAKIN CARETAKER EVEN WHEN her father and I were still together. I did it ALL. He paid the bills. That is IT. Now he's friggin Father of the Year!?
I HATE this and it just will not end.
This is how hearts get hard.
This surprises you? She doesn't want to be a kid! She'll appreciate nice things you do for her, but not when there's strings attached or a message attached that you've got to do things for her because she's useless and helpless. Again, it's not about you.
Don't be the least bit surprised that she wants to stay with the parent that did less for her. She wants to prove that she can do more for herself without being prompted, and if she fails, she wants to try again and again until she can stand tall and prove that she doesn't need her mommy pushing her or doing things for her.
Loving detachment isn't just for your spouse. None of this should be a surprise. They still love you. Even if they do live with their dad for a while, they do it for their own reasons, and sometimes they're even good reasons, but it's not because they hate you. Love your kids as much as you can, but don't cling to them - that's as bad as clinging to a spouse - and don't take their behavior personally. In a sense, they're aliens too - they've never been in your shoes, and they don't have any way to really understand your perspective.
Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 07/16/0707:39 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
Thank you for your input. However unless you know my entire story and all I've ever written about my kids and my family in general in the past 18 months, you run the risk of overreaching, which definitely occured in your post.
Thanks, though. You did remind me of a couple basic things as far as the kids are concerned.
