D Busted...Now Back Here

[OneWish]

One Wish...I think, except for a few minor hiccups that Frank D identified, you did quite well yesterday...you have to preserve yourself through this whole thing...you can't discount yourself and keep on being totally agreeable at the expense of sacrificing who you are and the minimal amount of respect you are due as a reasonable human being.

I did want to make sure that I took the time to think this through before giving her a response. It just really bothered me when I called her back and she had D3 answer the telephone saying that she wants to go camping. That was not appropriate. It is her using D3 to get to me and make me feel guilty. W said that D3 wants to go. It is REALLY my W that wants to go. W then began to try to get me upset saying that she is going to take her. I did feel proud of myself for not giving in again to her requests. I have always given in to what she has wanted. She wanted to take D3 to Disneyland, to family function/birthday parties, she wants D3 at 11:00am for her birthday party/sleep over, etc. I have always re-arranged my schedule for her. Now that I have plans it bothers her. I am so excited to be moving out into my OWN place that I am starting to respect myself so much. I have realized that I am starting to look at myself a totally different way. I have been GAL and realizing that I am a great person and a good father. I told my W the other night when we she was arguing with me that I feel good about myself because D3 said that she loves me and said that I am the best daddy. My W quickly said the most asinine thing in the world. She said, ‘have you ever read Dave Pelz’s book? She said that kids love their parents regardless of if the abuse them or not.’ What that hell is that?

..when you totally sacrifice yourself and it gets totally unbalanced as it seems have gotten with your R, then you will begin to have a hard time respecting yourself...guess what happens then? well, if you can't respect yourself because you have been passive and subservient (basically a doormat) then how can you expect others to respect you?? without respect for yourself and from others, you cannot be attractive to anyone...I am not suggesting one has to be condescending or an a#&hole...just to hold your ground with dignity.

I am working on this 180. It is something that I never really did. She does not like that she is not getting her way all the time any more. She is always quick to criticize me and try to get me worked up. I just let it go and don’t even call her back to argue. I know that this shows myself and her that I am strong and not going to play games.

..I think you are starting to find that your wife has a multitude of issues and there is a maturity factor which is playing into this with her...she does sound spoiled and I think she has always had someone around to do for her.....remember always to be respectful to her because you can only hope to get respect if you give it...

This is true. Her father gives her whatever she wants. She is the only girl out of 6 kids. Her brothers are all spoiled too. They all have Hummers or Escalades and their wives don’t work. They work for their dad…I mean are given money from their dad. I am working on this respect thing. I am sure that it will take time to get better. I am always trying to treat her just as I would like to be treated. I never criticize or blame her. I treat her good, maybe too good. I will see her today and will say hello with a big smile and leave quickly. I can honestly look in the mirror and see such a great, attractive, and confident guy. By me getting my own place, I am showing myself and everyone that I can do this on my own. I do not need to be co-dependent. I have a nice place with D3’s big bedroom. D3 did tell my W that her bedroom will be pink and will have Aurora in her room. I am sure this upset my W because I am moving on.

I did not find myself attractive so how could I even think my wife found me attractive? it was only after I found that middle ground and started asserting myself in a respectful, objective and rational way did I get her attention and salvage my marriage...

I feel attractive on the inside and outside! I feel so great about myself. I almost feel a high. I know that my W is still attracted to me, she just is dealing with some issues on her own. One more thing. I got an e-mail from her grandfather (Christian Pastor). I looked to see if my W’s name was on the e-mail and it was not. It was one of those FWD e-mails. I haven’t received an e-mail from him since last fall. I didn’t know if I should respond to the e-mail or not. This time around I haven’t done anything that I did in the past to piss my W off. I use to contact her relatives and she would ALWAYS find out. Not sure if this is working or not. At least when I was contacting her relatives, my W kept asking about my new changes and seemed curious. Maybe they were feeding her seeds of doubts so that she could see that she is losing a great 29 year old, Master’s Educated, attractive, awesome father, and great person with her poor choices! She had better wake up!

One more thing, hope to get a response before I pick up D3 in 3 hours. I am sure that my W is going to try to talk again about the weekend trying to get me to switch days. I think that I will just firmly state that I will pick up D3 on Saturday. I am not going to say Sorry because I didn't do anything. We COULD all go, but that is not going to happen. Should have told my that she must not want to go that bad because we could all go...lol