Piecing to Pieces....A New Arrival

[SDFoundGirl]

Nothing really new in my sitch...really..except for the fact that I seem or "we" seem to be be transgressing into our old roles. The only difference is now I see the symptoms while before I glanced and moved forward anyway.
Sometimes I seem to be battling myself more than my W...which actually I think is my problem entirely anyway. So much in this whole ordeal really centers around being content with ones self, ones direction.

Hey, Whapu, welcome to the club. I posted the following bit about piecing that I
A-Ha'd about last week, and it seems to relate:

Just wanted to record this while it's fresh. I was doing some journaling work today, working on exorcizing LW, when I realized that the real pitfall of piecing is we begin to rely on the other person to make us happy again. I couldn't figure out what the problem was, why I think I was actually happier last summer when H was estranged.

Well, I've figured out I've been treating H like I need him, not like he's a fabulous person to share my time with in my already happy, awesome life. That's it. Simple. What H does has to relevance to my happiness. I am strong enough to deal with whatever, and the only thing that matters is that I love myself and know I'm okay no matter what.

SD

This is the hard work of piecing, to not slip into our old roles and thoughts. What if you sat down with a T-chart (two columns, looks like a T)? One column would be "Old Whapu", and the other column would be "New Whapu." It might help to make concrete and conscious what you knew consciously during the crisis. A crisis is good at keeping us clear and focused...when things get comfortable, the mind relaxes. The key is to keep all the lessons we've learned and changes we've made fresh in our minds.

Be kind to yourself. Your relationship with and treatment of yourself is the MOST IMPORTANT relationship you have. If you take care of yourself and love yourself first, then you will have plenty of energy and the ability to treat others well too. If you're running on empty, if you're tired, depleted, and negative, you are no use to anyone. That's when the old thoughts, stories, and patterns creep in.

It's counterintuitive, but I've learned that if I work on fixing my own crazy and doing what I need to do for ME, then my relationship with my husband is much better.

SD