If you did not point out the economic "infeasibility", would he be researching property in Nicaragua tonight and putting bids in on property by the end of the week?
Ummm....yeah? It's been my experience that he self-soothes with construction projects or property purchases. I'm usually very accomodating if it's at all doable. However, he seems to have no sense that it's not possible to buy a $150,000 vacation lot, then take a $75,000 a year paycut, then encourage your D to apply to a $40,000 a year college (with another already in college) - and THEN buy property in Nicaragua!!! Even when my practice is fully booked I won't make enough to offset all these decisions. And that's at least a year away.
I've even suggested selling the house and downsizing if he really wants to do these other things - but he doesn't want to change lifestyle at all.
I don't resent him trying this start-up - I supported it. It HAS been a learning xperience, and we chose this risk knowing he could still go back to hisold job within a certain amountof time. I guess I just resent that he won't make the hard economic decisions necessary to support that decision. One of which is to forgo buying more vacation property!!!!!!
Quote:
What are you doing for yourself to keep your burn-out odds low?
Hmmmm....good question. I'll have to get back to you on that.
Ummm....yeah? It's been my experience that he self-soothes with construction projects or property purchases.
Sorry about that. I thought he might just be venting. I have to admit I have no clue of how to deal with someone who does not understand finances! I wouldn't want to have to say no all the time because if I didn't say no we would just go further and further out of financial control!!
So does he know this about himself? Has he even hinted that he knows it is somewhat of a problem for himself??
I've even suggested selling the house and downsizing if he really wants to do these other things - but he doesn't want to change lifestyle at all.
I think you state these things very reasonably however in your relationship I bet that doesn't work that well!! It must be difficult for you to be the one who has to always keep practicality at the forefront and for him to always have you saying no to his "dreams." I read a great article about finances where one suggestion they have for couples with completely different financial philosophies is to switch places for a week. So the impractical one acts practical and vice versa. Would that work at all for the two of you??? Also what about the idea of talking with a Certified Financial Planner about your financial goals and getting together a plan you BOTH agree with? That way you are not just "randomly" refusing his requests but instead helping to both of you stay on the plan you developed TOGETHER.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
I read a great article about finances where one suggestion they have for couples with completely different financial philosophies is to switch places for a week. So the impractical one acts practical and vice versa.
This reminds me of something from DR--the H was a spend thrift and the W was the one paying the bills. Both were very frustrated. When they switched roles, they both had a new understanding and respect for theother spouse's POV. I hope that I can try that with my H one day. In the meantime, Ellie, how about it?
I loved Catcher in the Rye when I was 15. What about some of the other classics in the same vein: To Kill a Mockingbird and 1984 ?
Just dropping by to say HI! Remember me??? I've not been to the boards for ages... I guessed that's good news right? H and I are PIECING quite well, if I must say so myself :-) Problem is sometimes some ppl REFUSE to let you FORGET your past pains!!!!
Anyway, GOOD Luck with H's Construction Projects!!
Quote: Has he spoken to anyone back at his old job about returning?
Yes, he has a lunch planned this week. Depending on the day, H either wants to return to his old job, start a new company, or buy property in Nicaragua and become an innkeeper!!!
So Ellie,
What's the update?? Has H decided what he is doing - hopefully between the returning to old job or starting a new company!!
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
Well. it's not completely flighty. He's got a bad case of burnout at his old job, and has been energized by this new undertaking. Starting a new company would be a way of keeping that new energy but dumping the horrible business partners. The rewards are potentially quite good, but the short-term financial risk is big.
Initial funding would come from H and his partner. H thought he could borrow from his 401K - I pointed out to him that he doesn't have a 401K but a Keogh, and I believe the rules are different - not sure you can loan yourself money from a Keogh. That would leave borrowing against the house, or selling the house and trading down, or selling the vacation lot in Mexico.
If it were up to me, I'd sell the Mexico lot, as that would be least disruptive to the family and would also eliminate a monthly payment we're making on that. That's his dream lot, though - not sure he's willing to give it up for his dream business!!! Plus, selling it would be complicated, not an immediate source of cash. I guess I could look at it as something that could be sold in the future to pay off any loans against the house, etc.
Guess I'd better get back to work drumming up business for my office, eh? The sooner I get in the black the better.
Ellie, hope that things are going good with your practice. Been a long time since i have posted, but i read the posts almost everyday. I have a major question that i could really use your help with. My oldest daughter has been diagnosed with Vitilgo this past week. She already had developed areas on the inside of one of her wrist and a small spot just appeared in her arm pit on the other side. She has gone to her genral practice doc, and they did a normal thyroid test and it came back just 1 over. Her doc seems not to be worried about this, but she is going into a panic. She is not one that will be able to take this well.Years ago, i was diagnosed with Scleroderma but it has not been active thank goodness. I believe that Vitligo is in the Lupus family as is Scleroderma, could this be genic? She has an appointment with a doc that is more familiar with this, but it is not until in Nov.
Do you have any suggestions on what to do in the mean time and what kind of test to make sure they do on her or what kind of a doc she needs to be seen by? She has gained a good deal of weight this last year and is always tired and seems to be worried all the time. Thanks for any advice that you can give us and sorry to break in on your stich. Sonni
Hi Sonni - Yes, there are several things I would suggest she be tested for. First, since her thyroid test was a little off, she should ask for a full panel - thyroid antibodies plus FREE T3 and FREE T4 as well as TSH. Her weight gain and fatigue are certainly suspicious. She should also request a serum B12 and MMA - measures of B12 deficiency, which can be related to vitiligo. Folate should also be checked. Here's some references on using B12 and folate: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=1516378&dopt=AbstractPlus
Also, she should be screened for celiac disease (gluten sensitivity) since this can predispose to many other autoimmune conditions. I recommend anti-gliadin IgA and IgG, anti-ttg, and total IgA. (Because many celiac patients are IgA deficient, this can skew the results, so it's important to check the total IgA).
Once you have her results, post them back to me. (And can you post her current thyroid test result now?)
Yes, the predisposition to autoimmune diseases can run in families, even if it takes the form of different autoimmune diseases in different people.
