I know there's not a whole lot that helps on days like this.
I'm sending you hugs and prayers.
And, remember...it YOU that always reminds US that we are being tested when things get rockiest. That the hardest times are really a test for us, a test from a lesson that should have been learned in the past. When we are at our lowest (and whiniest), that you say - what can YOU do? What have YOU done to bring this here?
I have always loved that about you. You haven't always given me the 2x4 that I'm sure I need often, but I do take it to heart when you write on others threads. Reading your experience in MLC to Jazz last week made my head spin. It reminded me to not focus on myself so much, and my own pain.
So, I will say this. I know things are tough. I know your D is giving you a hard time. And I know that for nearly 2 years you have tried to keep your family together with all fingers and toes in the leaks, stretched to your max. Each time you feel like it's coming apart at the seams, you make it work, you stand back up.
You will again. I remember what you wrote in the thread to Jazz about your MLC. I know how my H treats me. Wanting everyone to think I am evil and everything is wrong with me. I can imagine your H feeling the same way "why am I being arrested when I work to pay bills and put food on the table and want to be respected."
I'm not saying this to rub your past, rather to say that THIS is how we are taught lessons. They are often right in front of our face. The same lessons that come back around to us one day.
What woke you up to the wonderful man your H was - you wrote that though the hell, he never stopped fighting for your family. Even when he left the second time, he still stuck by his family to make it work.
That is YOU now. He will see that even as you pull yourself back up from your past, and recreate yourself into the wonderful woman you are now, you never stopped fighting for your family. Even when your H, your kids and everyone made you feel "less than" when all you were doing was fighting the good fight. No matter how horribly you thought you were perceived, you still persisted in what was right.
