I am sitting here working a divorce file and there is a couple in the lobby here to close on their first house.
I want to run out there and take her hand and tell her a list of things not to forget about and I want to tell him not to be outside all the time and forget HER.
I have really hit the point I can't seem to deal and I'm not bouncing back like I normally do after a day or two.
I wonder if I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown?
I might call that doctor I liked so much when I was sick in April...
Oh, and my son told me last night that it might have been better if he'd stayed with his Dad because then I would only have to take care of myself.
That's funny.
If I'd have lost him, too, I wouldn't have even bothered to rent that piece of crap apartment...I'd have just walked off.
Oh, and "myspace". Got one.
In order to keep an eye on my kids, who are now both on there. D11 is a little sh*t. Informed me yesterday she really doesn't want me to be involved in her life anymore. Really? This was AFTER I took her to the beach. She didn't seem to mind THAT!
Hell, up until December, I WAS HER SOLE FREAKIN CARETAKER EVEN WHEN her father and I were still together. I did it ALL. He paid the bills. That is IT. Now he's friggin Father of the Year!?
Amy, what happened that set this off so hard for you? I missed something in the last thread, I'll try to go find it.
You said something a while back about things getting worse before they get better and it's just a sign that things are moving forward and the enemy is trying to destroy your family. Do you not believe that anymore?
If you're so sure it's done, why not go talk to H and see where he really is with all this? Get him to share his true feelings rather than just waiting around for him to share on his own. What do you have to lose at this point if it's done?
Just a thought. And all I can say is good luck with the kids, they're teen-agers (for the most part) and that's super challenging as I remember. I'm not looking forward to S4 being a teen-ager (yes, I already worry about it :-D )
Keep up the fight, don't let the enemy have place in your heart. Rejoice in your God and open the place in your heart for Him to place the answers that you need. Humble yourself to the dirt and let Him remove the stumbling blocks from your path. Good luck!!!!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
I know there's not a whole lot that helps on days like this.
I'm sending you hugs and prayers.
And, remember...it YOU that always reminds US that we are being tested when things get rockiest. That the hardest times are really a test for us, a test from a lesson that should have been learned in the past. When we are at our lowest (and whiniest), that you say - what can YOU do? What have YOU done to bring this here?
I have always loved that about you. You haven't always given me the 2x4 that I'm sure I need often, but I do take it to heart when you write on others threads. Reading your experience in MLC to Jazz last week made my head spin. It reminded me to not focus on myself so much, and my own pain.
So, I will say this. I know things are tough. I know your D is giving you a hard time. And I know that for nearly 2 years you have tried to keep your family together with all fingers and toes in the leaks, stretched to your max. Each time you feel like it's coming apart at the seams, you make it work, you stand back up.
You will again. I remember what you wrote in the thread to Jazz about your MLC. I know how my H treats me. Wanting everyone to think I am evil and everything is wrong with me. I can imagine your H feeling the same way "why am I being arrested when I work to pay bills and put food on the table and want to be respected."
I'm not saying this to rub your past, rather to say that THIS is how we are taught lessons. They are often right in front of our face. The same lessons that come back around to us one day.
What woke you up to the wonderful man your H was - you wrote that though the hell, he never stopped fighting for your family. Even when he left the second time, he still stuck by his family to make it work.
That is YOU now. He will see that even as you pull yourself back up from your past, and recreate yourself into the wonderful woman you are now, you never stopped fighting for your family. Even when your H, your kids and everyone made you feel "less than" when all you were doing was fighting the good fight. No matter how horribly you thought you were perceived, you still persisted in what was right.
