Sorry you find your self here, but David is right it's a good place.
Is it MLC? Honestly, who knows. What helps me is to treat my H like he is in MLC b/c I have more compassion for him that way. My H still lives at home and I have been encouraged to keep it this way b/c it's harder on me with him here, but harder on the M if he's gone. Of course he could up and go anytime and I'd have no control over that. Then you read and post and do the best you can. Will she change? Hasn't she already?
Actions speak louder than words on the issue of change. Just remember you have to do for YOU (not in a selfish way, but be the Man you want to be), any changes for her won't last anyway. This isn't an either or as far as friends are concerned. You can go out and GAL as well as the actions you use to show your changes. Be the man she fell lin love with, but not in a needy way.
If you want to start convos go ahead. Keep it light and NO R/M talk unless she brings it up and even then if it's not a good time for you ask to talk about it later. Give yourself some time and space from this insanity. You need it to take care of yourself and your kids. I don't care that they're not little it still wreaks havoc on them.
I still wear my ring, no plans to take it off right now. H doesn't, but never has. I should add though that he would have taken it off. Personal choice.
Since she see's everything as "controlling" you could back off a little. Do things with the kids. It's hard to detach from them , but you need to learn not to react to her stuff. For example, for years when my H got angry about anything I would start to clean the house or do something I thought would make him happy. Now, if he's angry or withdrawn, I figure he's got a mouth and can speak to what he wants to say. When I find myself "reacting" to him to make him happy, I STOP. I go for a walk or just do something else, even if it means just sitting.
As far as hugs go, if she's willing I say go for it. I'm not the most experienced one on this bb and I know others will have good advice for you. It's hard and it sux and it's the ride to hell. It's a learn as you go program. Glad you have a C, I use a DB coach and it's been really helpful for me.
