D Busted...Now Back Here

[TampaGuy1961]

One Wish...I think, except for a few minor hiccups that Frank D identified, you did quite well yesterday...you have to preserve yourself through this whole thing...you can't discount yourself and keep on being totally agreeable at the expense of sacrificing who you are and the minimal amount of respect you are due as a reasonable human being...when you totally sacrifice yourself and it gets totally unbalanced as it seems have gotten with your R, then you will begin to have a hard time respecting yourself...guess what happens then? well, if you can't respect yourself because you have been passive and subservient (basically a doormat) then how can you expect others to respect you?? without respect for yourself and from others, you cannot be attractive to anyone...I am not suggesting one has to be condescending or an a#&hole...just to hold your ground with dignity...I think you are starting to find that your wife has a multitude of issues and there is a maturity factor which is playing into this with her...she does sound spoiled and I think she has always had someone around to do for her...I dont think she developed a healthy and mature way of dealing with life's setbacks because she was probably both shielded from it and someone there to shoulder the burden for her...you might even be guilty of enabling this over the ten years you have been with her...no use crying over spilled milk, it is the cards you have to play now and I think you are starting to deal with it...remember always to be respectful to her because you can only hope to get respect if you give it...

Before my wife walked out on me the last time two summers ago, I had spent the two or three months before that being totally giving and subservient to her and the kids...I think it was me compensating for the past where I had controlling issues...the only problem was that the pendulum had swung so far opporsite to what it had been for most of our relationship that it was not effective and was ultimately destructive...in fact, I did not find myself attractive so how could I even think my wife found me attractive? it was only after I found that middle ground and started asserting myself in a respectful, objective and rational way did I get her attention and salvage my marriage...with all due respect to the DB crowd, one cannot hope to be totally submissive and get their spouse back...there has to be a combination of DBing, a more aggressive technique that is usually censored on here, a dose of good old Christian principles and last but not least, respect, mixed all together to make it work...one technique of those listed might be weighted a little bit more depending on the situation and the uniqueness of the people involved...look at the different approaches as an opportunity not a problem because taken in combination you cannot only say you tried everything but I believe you will have the best chance of success in getting your lives back in order...I truly do...