Ok, the DR makes no difference now-she has made herself pretty clear, though I still think she is just running scared from working on our M. Yesterday made the stupid choice to ask her to meet w/me for a chat (yea, I know, I know). Still convinced that she wouldn't even be trying to go through with this had I not screamed the D word in our last fight, I picked a bouquet of wildflowers and told her how I can see things from her perspective, that I'll always be there for her and that I won't give up on her (blah!). She was cold and unforgiving per usual and had trouble looking me in the eye. The meeting ended with her throwing the flowers out the window and handing me my W ring (which I refused to take back-Lord knows where it may be now). I can't believe she is giving up. Thinks she is better off living alone and told me not to wait for her (though we have been through this exact same scenario before we were engaged). Slept for less than 3 hours last night and feel scared out of my mind. Everyone is telling me to move on, but how can I do that when I am living with all of our stuff/life and she hasn't been home since the day she left? Did I really bring this on by yelling the D word in our fight? I know we are both to blame for our communication troubles, but can't help but to feel that we would be warm and snuggly this evening in our living room had I not started this mess. Feel like an idiot and a failure. I know she really has tried so much harder over the past few months, and I think I may have been too hard on her all along out of old habits and stress. Still reading DR, but losing faith in it and beginning to think she means what she says and is never planning to come home. I would do anything in the world for her...even forgive her for yelling the D word in the heat of an argument.Am I just a pushover?
