Talked to an attorney that has cases heard in my county. She is very reasonable, offered to handle this as a mediation.
I don't want to file. It seems so anti- all my work up to this point.
W had a coniption last night. W started talking about what she will have to do to make it. I told her the dollars and cents side of it. W accused me of belittling her, making her feel terrible and that type of thing. W said it was more emotional abuse. I asked how telling her that she will need to make X amount to keep everything as she hopes is abuse? It just is.
Okay.
I told her I was sorry for hurting her, would do anything to take it away.
W asked why I wanted to say something to OW and her husband. I told her that sometimes, sometimes I get angry, hurt and resentful and want OW to feel what I'm feeling. To know that she won't be able to kiss her kids goodnight whenever she wants, to get them breakfast whenever she wants because her husband chooses to D her and there is nothing she can do about it.
W said our problems aren't about OW. I told her that I know that, but OW isn't helping. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I told her that W is choosing to D, W is choosing to not give us another shot, therefore W is choosing to keep my from my kids and my home. I asked her to reverse our roles for a moment and really think about it, what if she really wanted a chance to make things right, to be what she is supposed to be, and that time with our kids, living in our home, all of that is at stake.
Yet I say no. Not only no, but hell no. I won't give it another shot. No soup for you.
Screw it. I would have been better off to turn and talk to the wall. At least I wouldn't expect a response from the wall.
