I will have to go back to read and refresh my memory about some of the things you talked about the W and Kids. I know we females are very moody creatures due to the hormone thing. Don't know why God had to make us that way, but He did and we are that way as long as we live on this earth....ugh. I am not saying by any means that that was what was behind her mood swings....please understand that. I just know that in MOST cases the hormones affect most females and their moods. We either have high or low....too much, not enough. If she hsas had a hysterectomy....then I can tell you that sure would affect her in lots of ways. Even us gals who have already gone through the child bearing years...we have to deal with it. Of course, I don't know her condition, but, at her age...well, she could even be going through very early stages of menopause.....just a thought...but, it has happened to women in late 30's and if it is...it sure would affect her. Now listen to me....YOU are not the one to suggest that to her! YOU are the LAST person to even suggest that! Hear me on this! But, if she has not had a good check-up by her doctor (for female stuff), she may need to. But, let someone else tell her that cause she will not take it well from you. Don't know how I got off on all this, but I'm trying to explain how this stuff (hormone changes) affects us women. Just thought I would throw that in....free of charge.
My suggestion for leaving for a few days was for your good as well as giving space to her. You are the one that I am focused on at the moment. You need to try to get away and relax your mind, spirit and body from all the stress around you. I know that is not going to be easy, but you have got to try. Since you have been through this all before, I feel as though I am giving advice to a "pro" and you probably should be the one giving me the advice....and by the way, I welcome it...as to what I should be doing to help my own marriage.
I am sure the kids are torn, and that is only natural. I got a little confused in your last message about somebody not wanting to be there....or going...or something. Were you refering to the kids or somebody else?
I don't look at having a schedule to see your kids as being controlling. It would be the fair thing to do for everyone concerned. Your W would know how to make plans around the schedule and the kids would know what to expect, and you could plan around the schedule, as well. So, that is the logical solution. If she resists the idea...just stay cool and logical with her. Softy and calmly explain how this would work out better for everyones's sake. As I said, I need to refresh my memory about everything that has happened, but it kind of sounds like to me that your W wants the best of both worlds. In other words, she has you there....if she happens to be in the mood to have you around...but then, you never know when she IS NOT in the mood either..so that keeps you all upset. Not knowing her, it is hard to evaluate her actions. I believe she is still in "limbo" and doesn't know what she wants at this time. Women listen to their friends and family and it has a big influence on their moods and their actions...wheather it is temporary or lasting. If I had three kids at home, I might be ready for their dad to come in at night and relieve me with the stress, etc.....and I might even be ready for a little adult company. I'm not saying that she is this way...just giving you an insight from this woman's viewpoint. By night time, taking care of three kids all day would cause a woman to be in any kind of mood!
I think the reason for her different approach, or whatever, goes back to what I said about her friend talking to her. Apparently, it influenced her. I don't want to say too much about that until I go back and re-read your messages again. But listen, I don't know your wife...ok? I don't know the real reasons behind her moods or actions. I don't know why she really wants (or doesn't want) you to be there to watch tv, etc. All I can do is offer suggestions and thoughts from a woman's perspective. You are the one that knows this lady better than anyone on earth. So, make your assumptions based on your knowledge and experience of her. Take what I have to say and anything another stranger has to say as just something to consider and maybe learn from. I'm not sure what her friend meant by taking the "blinders off". Is the friend for or against the marriage working? If the friend does not like you as a person, she may be working against you and W getting back together. So, I'm not sure about the "blinders".
I know GAL is the hardest thing in the world for you to even think about right now. But, you have got to try your best. If you don't, you will go nuts thinking about W and kids all the time. Your kids WILL be a part of GAL, but find something out there you enjoying doing. Your life has been W and kids for so long until you have forgotten how to do anything else. Experiment....if one thing doesn't work...do something else. Just keep trying, but be careful and don't allow your lonliness and frustration lead you to on-line activities with the opposite sex. That is where I got into trouble. Believe me...you don't want to go there! Stay away from prono....chat rooms....etc. Even be careful about on-line games that have chats with them. That is where my downfall stated. I was so lonely. I tell you this out of concern. I care.
Try to enjoy your trip. Take care and let me hear how you are doing.
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
