Good morning, I'm a gator too, living in Central Florida. My W informed me a few days ago that she wants to move out. Our sitches are similar. We almost never have fought in our 20 years of marriage. We are both in individual counseling because her therapist says she has issues she need to work on before she can work on our marriage.
I don't know if the reason you two almost never fight is the same as our reason but I wanted to give you my perspective.
I grew up never learning healthy boundaries and because of this, any little thing the someone said to me that was negative would affect me greatly and make me hurt and feel bad about myself. This caused me to put up walls in my mind and not let much of anything in or out. I would avoid anything that could cause negative emotions,anxiety or anger in me. Even more, anything that could cause other people to feel those emotions about me. I became a pleaser. I'd do anything that someone else wanted so they would feel good about me and not negatively. Because of this, I would not participate in arguments with my wife. sometimes she would say "why won't you argue with me!?". The point is, although this attitude created a seemingly serene atmosphere at home, it was actually a recipe for disaster.
If this applies to you, your spouse, or both of you, I urge you to learn how to break down the walls, learn how to create healthy psychological boundaries, and build your self-esteem. A fantastic book that has helped me immensely is called "The New Rules of Marriage" by Terrance Real. There is a whole section about self-esteem and building healthy psychological boundaries.
My wife has yet to move out, but it is imminent. I, too, have been confused about all the different approaches and which to take. I've come to the conclusion in my mind that I should use my observation skills and awareness to find what works. If you do the 180s CONSISTENTLY and see no positive reaction, then try a different approach for a while. Keep trying something different until you see a positive reaction, then run with it. Listen closely to what he says when you talk to him and you might get clues to what he might want. My wife said something the other day while we were talking about "dating" each other while we're separated that tells me that she wants me to not be easy and give in to her every request. Like if we kiss at the end of the night and she feels something special and wants me to go further, I might say, no...I'll leave you wanting more. She has implied that would be a powerful motivator for her.
If you are actively working the 180s, I think you can still go to counseling and keep your distance while still reaffirming that you want the marriage to work. You can say, "I love him very much and would love to work on repairing our marriage...by the way, is this session ending soon because I need to get home to get ready for this evening." He's going the think...Huh, what's she got going on this evening!? You are showing your continued commitment to the marriage but at the same time, you are not waiting around for him, you are continuing to live your life and have fun doing it. The confidence you show, the independence, might be very appealing in his eyes and maybe even further increase his respect for you.
Keep the faith and be at peace knowing that you are doing all you can to improve yourself. All you have the power to do is improve yourself and to talk to him about what you have learned so he can see the changes you are making and, maybe, learn something himself. You have to let go of the result because you can not control or change him, he has to change himself. If you are satisfied that you are doing everything you can on your end, be at peace with that and, again, let go of the result for it is out of your hands or control at that point.
