Fade To Black

[stillme]

Oh, Dave, my pain is not exorcised by a long shot. In fact, I have fallen so far off 'detached' it's a constant struggle again.

If you mean, tho, when I spent 2 days being ugly (not the doormat; asserting my worth), I def. think that was a Good Thing IN MY SITCH b/c of the say H had been acting & escalating his ugliness. In fact, I wonder if - If OW hadn't already had a visit planned 5 days from then - whther H would have continued his more pleasing/pleasant attempts w/me. Who knows? C thinks, b/c of my strong stance, H may hve thought I was then strong enough to handle knowing about the OW. I think it ws pretty much a coincidence as her trip here must have been pre-planned way before 5 days before she arrived.

If you meant my anger the day/two I got back from Bahamas to find out ALL about OW + kids involvement/lies + H's over-the-top ugliness AT ME. . . Yah, it made me feel good - in the moment - to cuss him out & say he disgusts me and now that I've gone totally Dark it's helping me get back into DBing control, but it's a struggle. I feel like I slid half-way down the mountain in a way.

Okay - sorry about the mini-hijack. My point is that the pain is hidden, but still there, but Detaching allows us to continue living w/it until, slowly but surely, it fades and we realize that we were in control of holding onto it. Easy to say; obviously not so easy to believe and then do. Keep trying, and it'll happen tho. For all of us.

You're doing well. W is confused/sick/whatever, but you are strong. You know what is ultimately best FOR YOU (irregardless of W) and you're working towards that goal. Good for you.