So, I've come home after a weekend away to an empty house. The first day of our separation. So many of her little touches are missing and the house feels lifeless. No contact for a month to come except for two MC sessions. The silence is deafening.
Still we had a typical last evening together. On the way to get my first look at her new place the car broke down with the first load of her belongings in the back. So, we end up stuck on a roundabout for almost a hour waiting for the rescue truck to find us. Nice finish to 10 years together! Still that's so typical of our breakdown dramas it seems almost fitting.
Max
Me 36 W 37 Bomb (Easter 07) Sep (WAW July 07) "It's over" (end Oct 07) T10.5 years, M2 (before bomb)
I'm new here and not really sure what to say, only that I hope the month gets easier and better for you.
I just finished the first month of separation...originally asked H to move out for 2 weeks, but that got extended to indefinite. For me, there are good and bad parts to it. Hopefully you will find some good of it. And hopefully your MC sessions will be really helpful. that's something I wish was part of our separation. unfortunately, our MC ended months ago (no MC while ongoing affair. maybe someday).
and whoa, that has to be some sort winner of a metaphor in your night last night. spooky.
good luck!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
MaxP, so sorry to hear. I will be thinking about you and watching how things go, since I am about to be in a similar boat. (((((((max))))))))))
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
Thanks Morgan and Agent99. It's at times like these you realise how important certain things are and my family are doing me proud. Will be think of you two too.
Morgan, no chance of the affair ending? At least I don't have to deal with that (as far as I know). I think that would destroy me.
Max
Me 36 W 37 Bomb (Easter 07) Sep (WAW July 07) "It's over" (end Oct 07) T10.5 years, M2 (before bomb)
I hope there is a chance of it ending. He's told me it was over many times, only for me to find out that they are still talking, if nothing else. the last straw for me was when I asked him for 2 weeks, we agreed on all the groundrules up front...including no contact with her. silly me for having thought it was over. he told me on 4th of july he had talked to her a few times, but that was it. nice that he told me (his phone records update the next day, so would have known, but nice not to have to look). but then his corporate card statement came the next day, I opened it, and whoa, lets just say no way is it over. nope, not even close.
anyway, enough about me. sorry, I get a little self-obsessed lately. I'm so glad you don't have an affair to deal with. honestly, if it weren't for the kids, I think it would have destroyed me. I have to stay strong for them. And I'm still in shock, still in disbelief. part of me still doesn't fully get it at times...like I'm watching someone else's life. (didn't I just say enough about me? hmmm...gotta work on that, lol)
good luck, Max. will be pulling for you. take care.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Hang in there Max. I've just passed my one month mark on the seperation. What a $hitty thing to have an anniversary for! Hope she misses you like crazy.
M:29 H:30 Married: 8 years (together 10) 6/14/07- Seperated
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
I hope there is a chance of it ending. He's told me it was over many times, only for me to find out that they are still talking, if nothing else. the last straw for me was when I asked him for 2 weeks, we agreed on all the groundrules up front...including no contact with her. silly me for having thought it was over. he told me on 4th of july he had talked to her a few times, but that was it. nice that he told me (his phone records update the next day, so would have known, but nice not to have to look). but then his corporate card statement came the next day, I opened it, and whoa, lets just say no way is it over. nope, not even close.
anyway, enough about me. sorry, I get a little self-obsessed lately. I'm so glad you don't have an affair to deal with. honestly, if it weren't for the kids, I think it would have destroyed me. I have to stay strong for them. And I'm still in shock, still in disbelief. part of me still doesn't fully get it at times...like I'm watching someone else's life. (didn't I just say enough about me? hmmm...gotta work on that, lol)
good luck, Max. will be pulling for you. take care.
I guess affairs are a bit like an addiction for some, they find it impossible to completely break away and you're left watching the addict in their sorry spiral.
It's great you have the kids to focus on, although that must be hard they must also bring you great joy. I also know what you mean about feeling like you are watching someone else's life. Things change so rapidly. We went from planning our (pretty exciting) future together to nothing in a very short space of time with almost no warning signs for me. It feels as if she's gone off searching for her own emotional pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and I'm left wondering what the hell happened!
The one weird thing I've noticed about the separation so far is that I feel like I've become a mute. I have no-one to say anything to other than an occasional interaction. As I've said before I've been cast into a world of silence. Perhaps that is why I feel like an observer so much, as if I am observing my own life but not really part of it.
Catch you later,
Max
Me 36 W 37 Bomb (Easter 07) Sep (WAW July 07) "It's over" (end Oct 07) T10.5 years, M2 (before bomb)
Hang in there Max. I've just passed my one month mark on the seperation. What a $hitty thing to have an anniversary for! Hope she misses you like crazy.
Me too. I wonder what she is thinking, how she feels. The odd thing right now is that I really don't want to have any contact with her.
One thing she wrote on a note she left me is that my Dad rang and they had a conversation. This must be the first time they have spoken since January (she had been avoiding talking to my family). I wonder what they said to each other. Hummm.
Thanks for your words of support. How are you filling your time?
Max
Me 36 W 37 Bomb (Easter 07) Sep (WAW July 07) "It's over" (end Oct 07) T10.5 years, M2 (before bomb)
Hi, I am new to this on-line therapy/talk sessions. I got this website from my father-in-law's girlfriend. Anyhow, here is my story...my husband and I married nearly 17 months ago- he was going on deployment and we new if we didn't get married that he would be sent to a different duty station after deployment. The only way to stay together was to get married. So we did and we were doing well with the long distance via letters, phone calls, etc. and then we met at the 6 month mark and things were different. very very different. I kept asking him to talk to me and he just kept telling me that things were fine and it was the stress of the trip. He has been back home now for about 5 weeks and we have been having a rough time trying to figure out what is going on in his head. He keeps telling me that everything is fine and that he doesn't know. Then about 3 wks ago I came home to an argument and him telling me that he can't do this anymore. He left. The next night I came home after work only to find him gone with a letter on my computer. I can't believe this is happening. My father spoke to him and he couldn't give my dad a reason why and he told his best friend that there is no hope and that our journey has come to an end. He feels like he has lost the passion and the spark in the relationship. My father and I don't believe his story and my father told him that he needs more time to think. We are not to talk to eachother for about a month or so while he figures this out. He has moved out into a room in an apartment. I haven't called him in a week and it feels like a month. I am frustrated and feel betrayed and used and tossed aside. I want to take control of this situation. In my culture, you don't just walk away from a marriage this easily. I am baffled and I want him to be a man and stay behind his committment. Thanks for listening.
It's a horrible, lonely place to be when these things happen, particularly if you don't see any warning signs. As I am at work I only have a couple of questions to ask.
1) How long were you together before you got married. What was your relationship like at this point? 2) Could anything have happened during his deployment that might have affected him in some way? Has he spoken of anything or did you observe a change in his behaviour or attitude before he returned?
I am also slightly confused about the timing of events. Could you clarify it any more please?
I think now is a good time to rely on your friends and family for support and do not beat yourself up about what is going on. You are not to blame. Concentrate on your well-being, if you can. It is important. Also a lot of what your H is saying is not unusual. Get the DB or DR books if you can and read them. If you need to vent, vent here.
Max
Me 36 W 37 Bomb (Easter 07) Sep (WAW July 07) "It's over" (end Oct 07) T10.5 years, M2 (before bomb)
