It's been 10 months since she moved out, 8 months since she decided she wanted a divorce, and 6 months since she reiterated her decision. During the time I've tried lots of DBing techniques and have found much solace and enlightenment in my faith. It's amazing the things you learn when you're forced to deal with life with your eyes wide open. I told her, the person she is divorcing is no longer the person that I am.
She again repeated her decision 4 months ago, after we started talking nearly every day (very nice, cordial conversations), and even went out a few times on walks and hikes. One evening she texted me and wanted to say the she hoped I wasn't geting the wrong idea. That she hasn't changed her mind. Ouch. Since then I've made an effort to avoid her, but with bills, her mail, etc., we talk about 1-2 times per week.
Anyway, she doesn't ever bring up D, doesn't make a huge effort to avoid me (occasional text, email, etc.), and is always very nice when we talk. In fact, she just called me last week to see if I would show her how to change the oil in her car, and she accepted an invitation to a concert (she mentions she's not ready yet to do those things).
What I don't understand is that she has since stopped seeing her therapist, hasn't followed through w/ D, nor does she ever bring it up. In fact, it's as if she avoids anything having to do with our relationship. Just like when we were together and in a relationship. She has slipped back to the comforts of her family, like sticking her head in the sand.
She won't agree to seeing my therapist (we had gone twice, and she was not into it at all), says it's not something she sees as possibly being productive. I've been seeing my T weekly since 10/07 and have been working very hard to become someone who is aware of what a partner is, and we both see someone who is changing for the better. A different person with a different perspective on relationships.
It just seems she's avoiding everything about our relationship, and I'm just confused and...more confused. Some days I feel like I have all the patience in the world, and others I feel like I just want a resolution.
Me 37; W 35; 2 dogs M 8 years; before that, dated 9 years Bomb #1: 10/13/2006 (day after my birthday) Bomb #2: 1/15/2007 I am finding strength I never thought I had
BTW, her leaving was the most important point in my 37 years of life. I know I would not have had the strength, courage, or need to become the person I am now were it not for her leaving. And for that I am grateful. Truly grateful. I told her that last week and hope she believes me. I think she does.
Me 37; W 35; 2 dogs M 8 years; before that, dated 9 years Bomb #1: 10/13/2006 (day after my birthday) Bomb #2: 1/15/2007 I am finding strength I never thought I had
Stand your ground, if it is what you truly want. I have been going through the EXACT same scenario. Separated for 5 months. Husband wants a dissolution, but does nothing about it. Does not even want to talk about the details of splitting everything up.
I WON'T GO THERE. I will NOT validate his decision, or make this easy on him. Lately he has tried to "make me mad" to get me to ask for a divorce. Nope, not biting.
Sometimes I think they want you to do their dirt work for them, to help them make that decision. OR they want to try and part "as friends" and will wait until you are on the same page as they are.
Be patient and keep standing. I know, the frustration is killing you. Take a step back, but KEEP STANDING.
As many on this board said to me "if he wanted out, he's be doing something about it".
The last time my husband reiterated that he was "done" I told him to give me until September. Right now I am going totally dark until then. My rational? I know it is over, and I am done trying to do anything about it ( can we saw GAL and acceptance here?) but damn if I am going to waste the rest of the summer dwelling on attorney appointments.
More time does not hurt me one bit. Maybe he will see things differently in 60 days. Meanwhile, I am going to enjoy the rest of the summer. IF he wants something sooner than that, he is going to have to make the first move.
Hand in there
ME 40 HIM 48 Married one year. First for him Second for me Proud parents of a baby girl
Stand your ground, if it is what you truly want. I have been going through the EXACT same scenario. Separated for 5 months. Husband wants a dissolution, but does nothing about it. Does not even want to talk about the details of splitting everything up.
I WON'T GO THERE. I will NOT validate his decision, or make this easy o
ME 40 HIM 48 Married one year. First for him Second for me Proud parents of a baby girl
Stand your ground, if it is what you truly want. I have been going through the EXACT same scenario. Separated for 5 months. Husband wants a dissolution, but does nothing about it. Does not even want to talk about the details of splitting everything up.
I WON'T GO THERE. I will NOT validate his decision, or make this easy on him. Lately he has tried to "make me mad" to get me to ask for a divorce. Nope, not biting.
Sometimes I think they want you to do their dirt work for them, to help them make that decision. OR they want to try and part "as friends" and will wait until you are on the same page as they are.
Be patient and keep standing. I know, the frustration is killing you. Take a step back, but KEEP STANDING.
As many on this board said to me "if he wanted out, he's be doing something about it".
The last time my husband reiterated that he was "done" I told him to give me until September. Right now I am going totally dark until then. My rational? I know it is over, and I am done trying to do anything about it ( can we saw GAL and acceptance here?) but damn if I am going to waste the rest of the summer dwelling on attorney appointments.
More time does not hurt me one bit. Maybe he will see things differently in 60 days. Meanwhile, I am going to enjoy the rest of the summer. IF he wants something sooner than that, he is going to have to make the first move.
Hand in there
ME 40 HIM 48 Married one year. First for him Second for me Proud parents of a baby girl
Yes, sometimes I feel as if she doesn't want to be the bad guy or something. And yes, there are times when I feel as if she's just waiting for me to be enlightened about our situation and agree with her that divorce is the only option. But I will not help her if this is the choice she is making.
I am no longer the person she is divorcing, and this person will not give up on the relationship without a fight.
There are some slivers of positive things, though. Although she says she has not changed her mind, she will still occasionally call me to ask questions or email or text me. She is not looking be completely rid of me, but that just makes me even more confused.
I wish she'd see a therapist again. Hopefully one who is pro-marriage.
Me 37; W 35; 2 dogs M 8 years; before that, dated 9 years Bomb #1: 10/13/2006 (day after my birthday) Bomb #2: 1/15/2007 I am finding strength I never thought I had
