I think that you've been doing well in your honest discussions with your wife. You've admitted guilt, listened carefully to what she has to tell you, and agreed with her--validating her feelings. This is all a core part of DB'ing, as I understand it.
But your wife doesn't trust the changes that you've made. That means that you're going to have to stay calm, allow her the space that she's asked for, and continue to work on yourself--as you mentioned earlier. It's very possible that she has doubts herself about divorce. Shutting out the people who she knows will push her towards restoring the marriage may be more a sign of wavering than a show of independence: as though she fears hearing the arguments of the other side. Remember, too, that with her family pushing her, you must be especially careful to treat her with kindness, and to respect her need for space. This might be a way of setting yourself apart from others. Try to be the totally accepting friend she can feel at ease with.
It might even help if you spoke to your in-laws about not putting pressure on your wife. Families being what they are--big grapevines--you probably only need to speak to one person. You might even honestly admit your own failings, and try to tactfully suggest that pressuring is having the opposite effect.
Breaking through the wall, in this case, is usually a long process. It's sort of like breaking through a wall with a dinner fork, or a piece of sandpaper. (Sorry! Don't mean to be discouraging. It's probably not THAT long a process). If you're a high-energy person, then you'll have to teach yourself patience.
If you can just get her to wonder whether divorce will really solve her problems--just plant that doubt--just get her wavering--then you will have a chance to stop this.
Try the book The Five Love Languages (I think that's the right title).
Read some of the success stories on this site.
Try to work through the inevitable feelings of discouragement. When you're around your wife, stay upbeat, listen more than you talk, and validate her feelings.
I think I'm starting to repeat myself--so I'll just wish you a good night! I think you're doing very well....
