Make this a joint issue not just yours , unless you realy are prepared to take her back unconditionaly.
I see your point Dave, and I do worry that I'm generally being too nice. However, that is my 180. I was constantly a critical, controlling, and angry H for the past several years. Don't get me wrong, I had my good moments too, but they were definitely overshadowed by my negative behaviors. I figure that after the D goes through, I'll begin detaching much, much more -- definitely no more financial help after that, and likely less scheduling help too. I will still be kind, upbeat, helpful, etc, but it will be to a lesser extent for sure. The only reason I'm accommodating her schedule so much right now is because I'm currently not working. I plan on getting back into work soon (this month sometime), and that will surely put a damper on my ability to meet her scheduling needs. I'm just sitting back and letting her make her bed, and when the D is final she will be sleeping in it (with OM and not me). Then she will have some opportunity to reflect on her decision a little more critically. And during that time I'll be easy going, fun-loving, Lindy dancin', free-spirited, happy, good-lookin' and bachelor-livin' GD. I'll be livin' it up and enjoying life, and she'll be wondering why this new R and new life she chose hasn't solved her unhappiness like she thought it would...
There -- not so nice anymore, am I? Dang that felt good to get out!
I was really the one who was at the most fault in this M, though she contributed some too. I have forgiven her, which is why I could take her back relatively easy -- provided she profess her willingness to recommitt to the M 110%. She didn't leave me for OM -- he came along several months later. I can forgive her for that, because I was the idiot who filed for D after she left.
Thanks Dave -- I agree that I should likely tone it down a bit, and maybe drop anything that would remind her of the old GD. To tell you the truth though, I'm 99.9% sure this will have zero effect on her for quite a while -- maybe a year or two down the road if I'm lucky. Still gotta plant the seed though...
Dang that felt good to get out!
