Thanks for the thoughts. The W really isn't talking to anyone. She's close to both her Mom and Dad; both of whom want us to work things out and were floored both by the A and then a few months ago when my W said she was done. MIL has told me that my W just keeps saying she's finished; sometimes after talking about something fun that we've done together (trip to Rehobeth, going to see Riverdance, a couple of other things) and that the W had a good time doing. I found out she hasn't spoken to her Dad in a month on Friday when I dropped our girls off. He's disappointed in her and pushing her to try with me, which she doesn't want to hear. My Mom, who she has been close with for years, sent her an email (without my knowledge), but my W won't talk to her either. A friend of ours tried to call a few times to talk, but she won't return the call. More my friend than my W's, but still a friend to both of us (met her in grad school when moved into her group house with my best friend. They are now married and went through some ups and downs before squaring their M away. She just wanted to share and be a shoulder to lean on.) The only person she is speaking to that I know of is the receptionist at her office, who she has gotten to be friends with over the past two years. She's divorced and is giving her the "kids will be ok" talk. Sounds like her H was pretty crappy towards her. I've only met her once or twice. Other than that, she's relying on herself for these decisions.
Like she said earlier today, I tried for years. I'm tired of trying. I asked her if she felt she had totally committed to our R in Oct of last year. She said she gave it about 75% effort. I said I was giving it 100% effort, but blaming her and not taking any responsibility. I then asked what would happen, since I we're now being honest with each other, if we were to both give 100% at the same time. She just keeps saying she doesn't want to be married to me any longer. Kindof this giant circular reasoning. We can't work because I tried and that didn't work and you didn't give me what I needed (partly because she never told me) and that I don't have those feelings and they're gone.
Sara, thanks. I would love to go to Retrouvaille and think it would really help us. However, I tried to get her to go to a similar retreat this weekend and she wouldn't do it.
I've told her that I really do realize how my actions hurt her and that I am still very much in love with her.
At this point, there's not much I can do. I'm going to continue to improve myself and stop living scared and try new things (something I've not done for about 4 years). Dance lessons this Wed are the first step in that direction. I'll be there for her and do what I can, but it looks like we're heading for at least a S at this point.
Beyond what's in DB and DR, anyone have any suggestions for breaking through my W's wall?
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
