I am tired of my WAW not having any regard for my well being.
I am tired of having to protect my girls from all of this mess and hearing that WAW is not.
I am tired of being told what I should and should not be doing.
I am tired of being told who I can talk to.
I am tired of my W acting like she is a saint.
I am tired of being tired.
I am tired of not having my family.
I am tired of being asked how are you doing? How is your W? Whats wrong?
I am tired of hurting about how this is going to impact my girls.
I am tired of not having any intimacy both physically and emotionally.
I am tired of not having the energy to pray, read, connect with my maker.
I do not want this divorce, but I am tired of it. Driving into work today I was thinking what my prayer request would be and it is Strength, Rest, Stamina.... I am worn out. I feel like I have been running a marathon while sprinting the whole time.
I could cut and paste your last post. This is getting old. But ya know what? Look at Lightswich & Wheel. They are new here. Asking how long it will take. It has only just begun for them. You and I are closer to the end than we were 2 months ago. Take a breath. Try to do something for a day that will take your mind off of this totaly. It needs to be something that keeps ya busy. Fishing by you is not a good thing. Too much down time. Last Sunday I worked 4 hours straight cleaning up the MIL's yard Filled up 2 trashcans and 5 plastic garbage bags of weeds. I just did this to keep busy. When The W got home she told me "The yard looks good". Was not expecting her to give a compliment. I did wonder if she would notice.
Hang in there buddy, just a little longer..... Kind of funny I was reading Wheel and he wrote that when he and his wife were dating it took 5 months before they knew they were in love. That made me think. You have to repair the R first. Then you start with a blank board. Then ya start the dating process. So here we are dating.
Hang in there. Vent it's good for ya
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
ERC, I got this from somewhere on the web and saved it for moments like you are experiencing. I hope it helps.
"As I traveled through the difficulties of divorce, I found great comfort in reading the Bible. Initially, the words brought me hope to grasp onto. As I strove to forget the past and put it behind me, my healing has deepened. I've learned to unlock all the doors memory to the painful memories of my past. It was easier to do than I originally thought. I want to let you know that the sun does shine again after divorce. In your quiet moments, let these next few words be in front of you to meditate upon. May they comfort the tumult that rages inside your soul?
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" God will revive your inner being so that the sun will shine for you again (Psalm 34:18).
"Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not written in thy book?" (Psalm 56:8 (KJV). God created tears as a language; therefore He understands them. It is okay to cry and is part of the inner healing process.
"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall" (Psalm 55:22).
God can work in your situation for the good. It takes time for Him to work around all the decisions, wrong or right, that people make during these difficult and trying times. Patience is pivotal in the healing process, and healing doesn't come overnight.
Will God still love me even though I'm divorced? Most assuredly! Romans 8:38-39 says, "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come. Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (KJV)."
ERC, turn it over to God, even just a bit. Whenever I ask him to take some of my burden, he steps up! Sometimes we just feel so damned tired and forget to reach out. Give it a try. Thinking of you. Whatis
Sometimes we just feel so damned tired and forget to reach out. Give it a try.
This is how I have been feeling. I have really needed my friends to keep accountable the last few weeks inregards to this. If it was not for them I probably would not reach out at all.
Journaling: I did not see W yesterday at all, though she called many times. My girls and I spent the night at my parents house because they are going to a play this morning and I am going to the airport to pickup a friend. Last night I had softball again and we ended up winning by 30 runs. The team we where playing actually quit an inning before slaughter rule actually takes affect.
I probably will not be on the boards that much for the next few days but I will hop on when I can to keep up with all my friends here on DB.com.....
My next few days should be a blast with my buddy in town. I do not have much planned today but tomorrow we are going golfing and then to my cousins house for a party. Saturday we are going to take my DD's to the waterpark. Sunday, even though I am a Sox fan we are going to the Cubs game - rooftop tickets(anybody want to go????). Then Monday I have softball. In between activities we are probably just going to hangout and try not to think about my sitch.
I forgot to mention this before...I think.....I am going to go skydiving in August sometime. We have not set a date yet, but am getting a group together for it. I have never done this before, but it should be a blast.
I should also mention that according to my W she stayed up to 1am cleaning the house for my friends arrival. She also went grocery shopping just for him and I. I am not going to think much of it, but defiantly strange for someone who wants nothing to do with me.
Scott, We can all identify with your list. When I pray to God, I also ask for strength, patience, calmness, and guidance.
I hope you have a great visit with your friend. Let it all hang out and have a blast. You deserve it.
As far as your wife going out of her way for your friend, I take that as a positive. It seems she doesn't want him to think badly of her, maybe a litte guilt, huh?
Kim
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
My friend came into town on Thursday and we have had a full schedule since. We did the zoo and went to the races with my girls the other night. Went to the Cubs game today(Where on the rooftops)..... We have had a great time and will the next two days. I hope everyone is doing well. I am having a great time and will probably have a reality check when my friend leaves Tuesday evening.
Scott..take the time to forget about your W. Immersed yourself in your friend, the kids and the fun. Ignore the niceties for now and don't look at them as positives. Hang in and supporting you. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
FIB, thanks for sticking with me. That goes for everyone on this board. The support that I get from everyone here helps me think about my sitch from another perspective. Being in the middle of the sitch does not always allow me to see or understand all the dynamics that are in play.
Journaling: My friend left yesterday afternoon, it was a blast having him around. It would have been nice not being in the house, but then again I did get to spend a lot of time with my girls.
Even though my friend was in town my sitch did not get put on hold. My W, like I said in the last post, rolled out the welcome mat for my friend and was nice to him. In fact my friend gave her a hug when he first saw her. I was blown away by this knowing that he had to temper his feelings about my W to muster up the strength to do this. He told me that he loved my W but was ill and indignant towards her for what she is doing to me. I actually thanked him for doing this and told him about my shock when I saw him do it.
While my friend was in town my W still had to let me know of her disapproval of me. Anytime she got a chance to take a jab at me she did. Over the last week I have been called a coward and told that I should have been a man and left the house until everything was over. She also sees my support as me getting "Woe is Scott from everybody". I know that I have said and done things that I should not have but I had to let her know that the way she is treating me I would not treat a dog. She was blown away by this statement because she feels that she is treating me just fine. She still does not think what she has done to me adds up to how I made her feel over the years. I answered this statement saying that just this last Christmas and fall you where saying how much you loved me and your life. You are either the greatest actress that ever lived or the truth is somewhere in between.... I stopped the conversation at this point and told her we can finish our discussion later.
It is also apparent that she is not happy with all my little delays to the divorce process. Unfortunately for her I do not want this D like she does. As of right now all her paperwork that she needed to get into her L is done and she claims that everything is waiting on me. She also got our house appraised last week, we should find out sometime this week what is worth. I will soon have to start looking into loans.
My W also told me that she thought it was sad that my C feels I do not need counseling anymore. According to my W, I am messed up and need help dealing with the roughest time of my life. I agree that this is the hardest sitch that I have ever had to deal with, but, I feel that I am fairly level headed and have seen a lot of my faults and am working on them. In fact my C was impressed with what I have done and who I have surround myself with, to the point where she said normally I would ask you to do this but you already are doing it. I guess my W cannot see this right now.
I am planning on getting my parenting plan done by the end of the weekend. I also told her I will put my thoughts down on paper about dividing equity and assets. I am taking the business approach to this and trying to leave emotions out of it.
She is also trying to get me to payoff her car and is trying to guilt me into it for my girls. She said "The girls are your priority and by helping me with the car it will allow me to provide better for them". This might be true, but, she makes more then enough and has more then enough in savings to pay her car off. She does not need my money.
I think that is about all. Sorry for the long post.
Classic technique (pay off my car) trying to get little chunks of money from you, all to support your girls. Tell her to propose it in the settlement.
She would want it paid off and then leave the NPV of the cars out of the settlement, as if she was doing you a favor by "giving you" the new car while she took the older one. But in reality hers would be an asset and yours would be mostly debt.
I can't figure out how she says this stuff to you with a straight face:
W: My lawyer says everything is waiting on you!
H: Yup.
W: Well why don't you get moving?
H: Sorry. My concern is the welfare of my children, not the timetable for your love life.
W: If you cared about the kids, you'd pay off my car.
H: If you are planning on leaving, then you'd better get used to paying your own way. If the kids are too much of a burden for you, I'll take them full time.
W: If you were any kind of a man, you'd move out until the divorce is final.
H: Do you mean the kind of a man that has an affair with a married woman and abandons his wife and children? You're right that I'm not that kind of man. Lucky for you, you've found one.
