Thank you everyone once again for your thoughts and kind support.
I think I have reached another stage of detachment. It comes after a good weekend of GAL'ing and spending time with the Kids.
I will get to that shortly.
First up Saturday , W's going to take D minigolfing and this is an activity S16 realy enjoys. I ask him if hes going and he says " I wasnt invited ". I said go get yourself ready and told W when she turned up he wanted to go along. Told her hes feeling rejected, to which I get the answer " its not my fault , he should tell me when he wants to come along" . Anyhow they must have had some talk and S stayed Sat nite with W. I went out for a ride with a friend and we had a good boys afternoon which included a stop at classic motorcycle club for a couple of beers , A good day. I get home and everyone is there , D is very quiet , W says shes in a bad mood. Anyhow I said to D , want to come with me to get a DVD and some takeaways , D couldnt get to the car fast enough and was all happy again , so I am thinking shes not happy with W. Later that evening I spoke with D and it was because W had yelled at her when they were out. I listened and told her its OK to feel bad about that , and also told her that W was probably tired and still loves her. W realy annoys me in that she will loose her cool at the kids and then give them the silent treatment. I loose my cool to at times , but I always sit down later and tell them I am sorry and talk about the behaviour that led to them being told off. Anyway Sunday arives and I organise S16 to look after D for a couple of hrs and head for lunch .I get home and W had been by and taken D to movies. I did housework and listened to music and they got home later.
I have very quickly got used to not having W around and even more surprisingly do not mind it. I should feel bad about this but I dont. W realy started to properly distance herself a year ago now and its been a very hard year as I have tried to make sense of what is going on and hold the family together. I had been hanging on to a memory of how she was and it was once she left I realy figured that out. She never fully invested back in our R since her first A and I see that clearly now. I am not blameless but I was fully committed to making it work but can see now that unless she was as well it was never going to work in the end.
Where to from here , I am taking one day at a time but am moving ahead with life , I would still love to have a life with my W but it will take a lot of work and a decision from her that thats what she wants. I do not want her back here on the basis that she will consider it. I can't wait for that conversation if it ever comes. W " I want to come home" CK " what if I dont want you to come home ? "
