my crazy mess

[christarn]

There is a lot more to my story....I left what I thought to be a hopeless situation, we fought endlessly over finances (my parents are both deceasced which left me a little money....a blessing and a curse), he refused to get health insurance, yet was an avid snowmobiler and 4wheeler rider...which scared the hell out of me, there was no communication the last 6 months of the marriage...he lived his life, I lived mine. Needless to say, I had given up...wish I had read some of Michelles books then...maybe wouldn't be here now...anyway. As for why I want to work on it: I have had time to analyze my wrongs...I know that what I did wrong in the marriage I can change, and I want to change, I don't want to be a "right fighter" (dr phil) I want to be happy, he has learned that he needs health insurance, and he is working now and manages to find jobs between his unemployed stents. I have also learned that he can not read my mind, and I can not read his...I must say what I feel in order for things to happen. After being seperated for about 5 months, I started to realize a huge piece of my life was missing, there was a treamendous void. Rick had been there to help me thru both my parents deaths, and I just can hardly bare to think about losing one more person close to me that I love. Pretty much I have decided that by me making some small changes withing myself...compramising on finances, taking a different position within my institution(one with benefits), sitting down and working on finances together, we could really make this thing work....now it's getting him on board....one minute he'll talk about getting back together, the next minute he will say he enjoys his freedom to much to have a wife again....and he says his scared to death that in 5 years what if I leave again....I have tried so hard to reassure him, that after this experience, there isn't anything I want except to save our M, and hopefully start a family someday.....still he's not convinced. I think he's reliving his younger bachlor days. I told him the grass isn't greener on the other side...there's just more to mow!:)