How did I convince him to go to Retrouvaille? I think the timing had a lot to do with it.
He took me to a restaurant for a talk about our relationship. Huge mistake. It blew up and got very loud and ugly. We both were so angry we could have hurt each other, but didn't. On the way back home we were both silent in the car. I was thinking I need to find a divorce lawyer. I suspect his thoughts were similar.
Then I said, "I've heard there's a program called Retrouvaille that helps people like us. I think we should go." There being no other suggestions, he said OK. I booked the first weekend I could. He never balked. And we went. It was a life-changing experience.
To look into the eyes of couples who had been through what we were experiencing and worse, and to see the love that they have for each other now was inspiring. From the start, I was thinking, if they can do it, why can't we? It was a slow process. It took about 6 months to feel confident that we will stay together because we are happy together. But we are here now and committed to each other in a way that we never were committed before.
It is so much better to see the good in another person, and love that goodness, than to see the bad and hate it. I used to spend all day thinking about what I hated about my husband. Those bad feelings fed on themselves and made me mean. Now I banish those thoughts, and replace it with the good. Where I used to grumble that he never helped around the house, now I just ask him nicely to help me, and he does. And I thank him for helping. We get along. It's all so simple, except it really isn't.
