b2d- Thanks for posting on my thread. I thought I had it bad.
First off, do start a new thread of your own here or in newcomers. I note you had one going back in May - but things change. You will get more support with your own thread but I am glad to help.
As to your stitch, here goes:
First thing to do is to find another lawyer. The initial consult fee is normally low. If you spent $13k in fees to date your case must be really complex or your first lawyer was unethical (lawyers don't fire clients) or both. You don't spend that kind of dollars in Alabama unless it is a full blown custody battle which yours does not seem to be.
Regardless, from your brief description you have no choice but to get a lawyer. Borrow the money if you have to.
Here in Alabama, and we rank 49th in almost everything, the court will mandate IC for the kids. Check into that. Court ordered IC is usually cheaper than paying your own way with a private IC. And your W should be responsible for half of what cost there is. Sounds like the kids need that.
Go to http://www.divorcecare.org and find a support group near you. They will help you and your kids. There is divorce care specifically for kids in addition to you. I have not gone myself, but I got good feedback. Real time local support will get you past that desire for the four hour drive.
Getting past the anger: buy "Mars and Venus Starting Over" by John Gray. That is the best book I have on getting past this stuff. If you read my stitch I fell into hate, real hate, often. I am doing better now and I reference that book often. The book will teach you to let go and remember the R with love and forgiveness. That is how you co-parent.
My state will also order family counseling when co-parenting is an issue. Again, she should pay half.
How do you quit loving? You never do. Instead you move on and get a life of your own. You accept your part and change what is in your power to change - and accept what you cannot change.
Luck to you. Two years is a long time but it will get better.
