I will admit it. I have a double standard. When the marriage has no children, I empathize with the hurting partner, but I don't really think it matters that much if the marriage continues or doesn't. On the other hand, when the couple has children, this whole self-indulgent, "I deserve to be happy and I'm not happy with you" stuff makes me angry. Marriage with children is not a whim, it is a responsibility and a commitment.
That said, I think you should not insist that your wife give you time to convince her that you love her. It would be nice if that happened, but you owe your kids more than that. I think you should insist that she make a good faith last effort to fix your broken marriage. And yes, there is a way to do it. I have done it myself with the help of retrouvaille.org.
Retrouvaille begins with a weekend of learning to communicate CONSTRUCTIVELY. It is a skill that is taught. Then there are follow-up sessions for 6 weekends. There is homework. You need to do the entire program, and do the homework, and use the disciplined techniques for this to work. But I promise it works.
And I've heard all the excuses. If you want to save your marriage go to http://www.retrouvaille.org and book a weekend.
And by the way, I'm from Mandeville, LA, but moved to Florida right before Hurricane Katrina destroyed the roof of my house.
Oh, and who should move out? The bad guy moves out. If you want to be the bad guy, move out.
