[quote=NDDT]The thing I do not really get is how all these Walk Aways go out and have there affairs, and somehow manage to convince themselves that it is the Left Behinds fault..... That we drove them to do this.
What a load of crap! When they made the choice to have there affairs, they made the choice to fail there marriage, to fail there family. When they make the choice to BLAME us for there choice, they compound it by failing there selves.

Well, I don't know that I can give a satisfied answer or not, but I'll give you my humble viewpoint, for what it's worth. WAW feel so guilty and they are so unhappy and confused and they are on this frantic search for something to make them happy in life. They are in "limbo" and don't really know what they want to do, but they just want out of what they see as a really bad situation and probably the source of their unhappines (as they see it). Since they feel like crap about themselves, they have to drag the H down lower than themselves so they (the W) will look better. Also, they feel like they have to have their family, friends, etc., approval or permission for their decision to walk away from the M. If they are in an affair, the guilt and everything else is compounded, so they blast the H that much harder. You will probably notice that WAW hang out with those family members and friends that support their decision because they can't handle being around anyone that throws the hard cold truth at them. That is why so many are reluctant to go to MC with the H. They don't want to hear how they (the W) have failed in the M.

In my case, I felt like my H had always been the "good guy" with our kids, family, friends, etc. and I was seen as the "bad guy", so I had to make him look very bad so that I would not be hated so much by everyone. If I could just make them see him through my stained colored glasses, then they would encourage me to dump him and go for the OM. Otherwise, I knew they would frown on my decision and I would probably loose my grown kids' love & respect.

The LBS is in so much shock over everything that has hit him, I guess it is hard for him to realize just how low the WAW will stoop to soothe her own soul.

Hope this may have shed some light. I know it isn't a solution, but maybe it is a "why" some do what they do.


Sandi2

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!